Wednesday, December 31, 2008

follow me...2009

I had a dream about our President Elect last night and this song was playing in the background

Let me show you
Let me show you the way to go

I don’t know everything
But there’s something I do know
I’ve read and heard a lot
And now I’m ready to show

That we can come together
And think like one
Come together now
Live together underneath the sun

Please, please let me show you
Let me show you
Let me show you the way to go

Follow me, my friend

Just put your trust in me
I’ll try not to let you down
The job is hard to do
But only we can work this out
'Cause we can help each other to overcome
We can do it
We can do it now
Rejoice everybody
And get the job done
Please, please, please
Just let me show you
Let me show you
Let me show you the way to go

Follow me my friend

Help each other to overcome
We can do it
We can do it, now
Live together underneath the sun

Please, please, please
Just let me show you
Let me show you
Let me show you the way to go
I swear I’ll never let you down
(Follow me, follow me)

Put your hand in mine
We can do it
We can work it out

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

need for speed...

My monthly gift came in the form of a speeding ticket..MY FIRST SPEEDING TICKET EVER!

that is all I have.....

oh ... instead of racing (pun intended) thru the holidays take the time to enjoy the lil ones and what it means to them. Be extra patient, extra kind and give extra hugs and kisses this holiday season. WE all NEED IT!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the lil gee gees!!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

super bad...

I'm officially an XBOX widow.

The Champ and I are hosting Turkey day at his place...wish us luck! The menu sounds yummy but will it taste yummy!

My MAC lip gloss is poppin - Viva Glam VI

Work is slow and boring. I hope I get off early tomorrow.

Seems like all the lil people in my life want webkinz..I'm so sick of buying these things.

I hope I get a new coach bag for christmas...HINT, HINT!

My medium bikini panties are getting smaller and smaller on my..I think my bootay is growing!!!

My happiness is back....I will never let someone steal all that joy from me again.

My 2 bestest girlfriends live in NC and in TX..I miss them so much..They both called me yesterday and I wish we could HANG!

Why do all my college buddies want me to spend half my day on facebook. No I do not want to find MR. TH that left me for my cheerleading coach!! HAHA!

I think the next store I open will be a Porn shop full of movies, books, toys and coffee.. Yeah COFFEE!!!

oh and another thing I'm NO. 1 in my fantasy basketball league..SUCKAS!!! and its my first time playing...I do my RESEARCH SON!!!!...

"watch me.....watch me...I got soulllllllllllllllll...and I'm super bad!"


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

bout to spaz...

I'm ashamed to say
I've let someone
steal my joy
for 4 days

I can't let it go.
Its hard to move on
Can't talk about it
no one understands
no right words.

Its so unfair
to those that are around me
to those that love me

I have this monster inside of me.
Its growing
It wants to fight.
I can't control it.
I can't hold it in.

I haven't been happy for 4 days
What happened to my happiness

I want to escape
My face is not my own

How could I smile when I'm hurtin' so bad inside?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

brand new day...

Every Look Around
Cause there's a reason
to rejoice you see
Everybody come out
And let's commence
to singing joyfully

Everybody look up
And feel the hope
that we've been waiting for

Everybody's glad
Because our silent fear
and dread is gone
Freedom, you see,
has got our hearts
singing so joyfully

Just look about
You owe it to yourself
to check it out

Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

vote wit me....

"Gotta get yo' ass up and vibe with me
Come on ride with me, come on ride with me
Holla, get crunk, get live with me"

Sunday, October 26, 2008

random gee...

"I gotta ask myself..what's it gonna be...I gotta make decisions.."
this weekend..

took lower case gees (i love that...) to see HSM3..it was adorable!!

baked these (quick peel apart dough ready in 12 - gotta love good and quick)

kissed him *muah*

started to knit this

bought this

caught up with this dude
... wow!

all these things keep me sane..tv, music, family, the champ, crafts, chocolate!!!

"In and out the day
In and out the night
Im a find my way
Just 2 survive"

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

escape route...

whats my plan??... why am I running?..what am I running from...?? something obviously because...
my dreams lately have been these elaborate escape plans. I mean really long drawn out sessions of me trying to get away from someone or something.
Sidenote: maybe I feel trapped in real life, yeah thats it..NAH.. that would be too easy
but these dreams are so detailed that they could really be turned into the next Jerry Bruckheimer film.
The most recent one last night involved me and 40 other girls.
Sidenote: it wasn't THAT type of dream..
for some reason we’d all gone to this mansion for a shoe sale..all our expensive cars (yes they were expensive) were parked outside and we were browsing the latest foot fetishes. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed all our cars being discretly taken away and stored in an far off trailer. I paid it no mind at first thinking okay maybe they are moving them because of the upcoming fashion show.
Sidenote: on the site where I work we are constantly asked to move our cars because of paving..so I get this part
anyway in this dream I notice the girls are starting to disapear as well so I follow one of the guys moving our cars and they catch me and come after me!
Side note: I like to be the chaser..I dont like to be chased!!!
so I'm booking it ..thru fire escapes, caves, tunnels, more neighborhoods, ramps, elevators, airports, train stations, even in and out of a space shuttle...it never ends..the running...
it never ends...they never catch me and I never stop running
I finally wake up to the comfort of my man...I wish I gave him the same comfort...he doubts I even know how much he loves me...I know..honestly I do.. but I doubt I deserve it , and maybe I can never give it back to him *sigh*

"sometimes i do act flaky"

Monday, October 6, 2008

QOTD: everyday intimacy

The Champ and I (for the past 8 months) have this daily ritual of sending each other questions of the day..any topic...nothing off limits...here's one of them...

The Champ: I read an article in today’s paper about a wife who gave her husband the gift of intimacy everyday for a year. They decided to turn off the television and try some sort of intimacy each day. Do you think that is a realistic goal? Could you see us doing something like that?
CookieLady: Yes of course, we already practice this..when we just lay and chill next to one another..talking..reconnecting after a busy week. When we sit and watch movies together you rubbing my feet, us cuddling...When we sex each other all up and down, in every room. When we hold hands at a play or concert, when we kiss in a movie, when we hug on the street and when we don't see each other we do it with words for example; letters, emails, txts, phone calls. We've even done it via Webcam.
CookieLady: What are some ways she gave him intimacy?
The Champ: They didn’t go into detail about the types of intimacy but mainly they were talking about getting it on. I do enjoy just laying in the bed talking and relaxing with you.
CookieLady: Getting it on every single day???
The Champ: The wife said they averaged 26 – 28 days a month.
Cookie Lady: Well DANG!
The Champ: LOL
CookieLady: Now you answer
The Champ: I think it’s realistic to have some type of intimacy everyday but I don’t know about getting it in each time. Yes, I think we could do something like that. The couple in the article had been married for twenty years and had several children
CookieLady: I will try very hard to give it you..whatever you want and I need..I want to provide that to you
TheChamp: and you do

Sunday, September 21, 2008

hurricane m.d....

mommie dearest is gone and in her aftermath....7 days of destruction

broken shower curtain $19.99
2 out of 3 toilets clogged
broken curtain rod $15.00
1 box of Gain - YES A WHOLE BOX IN 7 days....$10.99
6 bags of garbage
2 packs of cigarettes, 1 case of beer, 2 bottles of wine...$56.00
2 weeks of groceries (used in 7 days)...$327.00
2 weeks of gas (used in one week).....$80.00
broken faucet in kitchen (who knows how much this will cost)
2 cans of resolve carpet cleaner...$13.99

having your mom stay with you 7 days...taking care of your house and sick kids while they are on fall break??


love you mommie dearest *muah*

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

lookout weekend...

"I work hard everyday
its all work and no play
with the boss on my back,
he don't give me any slack
I sit down
I day dream
of how my weekends gonna be"

mommie dearest will be here tomorrow..

that is all! (enjoy the music)

*double sigh*

Thursday, September 4, 2008

C's of fall...Crafting, Cuddling, Cards, Creating, Chillin, Connecting and the Champ...

I know for most of you fall means football, well for me it means knitting, scrapbooking, cardmaking and CHILLIN...I'm stirring my creative juices RIGHT NOW and getting ready to hibernate for the winter with lots of new yarn, new 12x12 papers, stickers and embellishments and plenty of handmade projects on my plate.
Crafting: I used to own a scrapbook store and I LOVED IT...2100 sq. ft of pure bliss!!
I used to crank out the pages and I've been published over 22 times, a scrapbookers dream..and it was my passion for so many years and I've neglected it...

Here's one (or two) I completed a few years back for a magazine:

Sadly I haven't submitted anything since 2005...DRAT! so I'm diggin out my boxes and getting back into it...first up a wedding reception album for my aunt! YAY ME!!

Creating: I like to also create a lot of handmade things for the HOME (wooden letters, ornaments out of cd's, etc), here's are a few examples...

Cardmaking: I make a lot of cards and tin holders for cards..Check it!

Crafting Needles: I buy new needles every year..but i can only make scarves!!! this is my favorite yarn to use...called fancy fur..

Cuddling..what better time than the fall/winter months to intimate with your loved ones??..the Champ and I are planning a lot of quality time for quality connecting with each other..YEAH RIGHT...I forgot I have to make appointments between his football games for a few kisses!!!
in this concrete jungle..where do you stand??

Sunday, August 24, 2008

just one more day...

the weekends are JUST TOO SHORT!

I can't forget those lovely days...I need one more day
I will do anything you want me to do, say anything you want me to say

cherish you til the day I die
let me have one more day

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....just one more day

Friday, August 15, 2008

vain...or NOT

I'm wondering if I'm vain as I sit at my desk at work checking my mirror 15,000 times.

Am I vain?? Do I think I look good?

What am I checking for? Is my gray showing? Do I have food in my teeth? Boogers in my nose?? Zits on my cheeks? Chin hair? Crust in my eyes?? Wax in my ears??

Why am I obsessing over my looks??? Such a gemini...happy one minute...frowning the next.

But really...why do I feel like all eyes on me? Is it my looks...my physical features? Do you see something you like?

Or are you checking for blemishes and moles?? Are you looking for something out of place??
I feel myself doing this to everyone around me...even the champ..drives him crazy!! I'm plucking his eyebrows...constantly squeezing his face...What's wrong with me??
am I obsessed with perfection...???

I feel like everything is out of place...out of sync.... but by what standards??

I want a new haircut, I want my old body back, I want a manicure and a pedicure, I want the hair on my legs to stop growing, I want my lips fuller, I want these freckles and moles off my face. Why? I dunno

Who am I trying to impress? I dunno

Why allasudden? I dunno

I'm just not proud of how I look right now..TODAY.. so how could I be vain?

Is it because I think everyone is looking at me...talking about me...thinking about me....measuring my accomplishments, analyzing my salary, guessing my intentions, judging my work and weighing my emotions. I'm afraid they will see right through me...will they think I'm fake? that I have been faking? that I don't know all the answers, I make mistakes, I have flaws.

Will they be able to see past that..see past it all and into my heart?? Am I a fraud?...I don't have it together or do I??..cuz I damn sho made it thru 40 years and I have a very bless - sed life. I'm sure of it.

So Am I going through a midlife crisis?? Whats wrong with me TODAY??

....my saving grace is that I've started my gratitude journal again..after putting it down 3 years ago..no wonder the past 2 years have been so tough ... I need to get back to acknowledging all THAT I have instead of fussing over what I want and how I should look.

*double sigh*

Sunday, August 3, 2008

spirit flowing on the inside...

i'm one of those people that create their best stuff when they are depressed, sad, confused, anxious, intoxicated...scanning my old journals and reading my past angst...it seems most of the great writings of gemini girl have come out of despair *sigh*... I'm amazed at how the words just poured out when I was worried, frantic, and sexually frustrated.

like billie holiday...lady sings the blues...I guess

when I'm happy and fulfilled and content the words don't flow as much..nothing to complain about..or wonder or ponder.I tend to keep these feelings close to my heart...mostly I'm just busy expressing my love to the ones that make me smile the most.

concentrating on the important..life is good...i'm grateful

"loving you
makes my heart sing a song"

Friday, July 25, 2008

another memory...

another concert

another weekend together
another month in love
gemini tattoos

in love with the same man...

"hello did you mean to leave me at the hospital, you are the only one that left"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

love explained...

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul."

Do you believe in love??

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

we put on...

the "blind date" part was the only true part of "how did you guys meet"?

we have not told our family members we met online..why?

our story is a friend of a friend who works with a friend of a coworker hooked us up...and they are okay with that?? WOW...

why is it bad that we met and fell in love online? I don't hang out at clubs, I barely leave the 15 mile radius around my home and job so it was just natural I'd meet someone online since I spend most of my time on the computer.

We didn't meet thru a dating service..DAMN we didn't even met thru a mutual friend
WE innocently started chatted online, I asked him about places to hang downtown, he invited me out telling me he'd show me around, we were just gonna be friends. We both told ourselves that.
I got sick the weekend of..and nervous about dating someone that lived so close. I almost cancelled completely...
But I gathered my courage and we had a great first date...I knew right away I wanted to be more than just friends with the Champ.

I've never dated anyone in Atlanta in the 11 years I've lived here except for the man that I was married to and we never went out... so its been a treat to be involved with someone close who can show me around the city. He's like a handmade blanket to me, so comforting and warm and I really enjoy being in his presence.

Every single weekend since we've met have been ours..we've always been together...they've been filled with concerts (even whodini), movies (Vantage Point, sex in the city, Hulk, Ironman, 21, Wanted, Kung Fu Panda), basketball, kids, fireworks, tattoos, the Easter Bunny, his mom, my family, his sister, scrabble, restuarants..tons of FOOD and DRINKS!!!, even the modern dance (Alvin Ailey), lots of MUSIC, the pool, stonemountain hikes, well ONE stone mountain hike, x-rated scrabble, visits to the SEX TOY SHOP, a book reading, a shared birthday, and most importantly love..just love, love, love.

so why is it bad we met online?? why come we gotta put on for our family AND FRIENDS??

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


WHY COME...i've developed this bad sleeping habit..passing out after work at 5pm and waking up at 10pm???..groggy, grumpy, thirsty and all alone...all other work folks heading to bed, all sleepy, can't talk...

"just me, myself and I...that's all I got in the endddddddddddddddddd"

nuffin on tv..I'm not even interested in the mole...I need off beat celebrities on there to keep me entertained.

"I see your jealousy as you watching me
(I see you watching me baby)
You watching (Its all good)
It's kinda sexy to me how you watching me (I love it)
You watching me"

guess I will watch my BEYONCE EXPERIENCE DVD over and over ... I'm so addicted to it.

Her body is amazing and the costumes hit all the right spots...

Its made me a super fan of BEY BEY. I mean I rocked the cd for a straight year in heavy rotation..BUT girlfriend gets DOWN in this concert!!!!!

I'm just mad she sung all of her duets ALONE..I wanted to see more than 5 seconds of Jay Z and Destiny's Child...How you gon sing ALL OF 12 Destiny Child songs and not include them???

She didn't invite Sean Paul or Shakira????...*sigh* shiddddddddddd at least bring out Bun B....Slim Thug??

The only "flaws..." was her rendition of Jill Scott's "He loves me" HATED IT!

and the "crank dat" soldier boy dance..WOW could've done without that...

then the angel surrounding her with crocodile tears when she did Flaws and all......HMMMMM not believable AT ALL!!! BUT NOW I LOVE THAT SONG!!!

The lil Chicago parody was FIYAH...her female dancers can be so gangsta one minute then graceful ballerinas the next then belly dancers then next then ...ok lemme stop

Overall to me her voice was strong, the lacefront was fierce with the fan blowing thru it non stop and I'm still mesmerized by the dancers...."drop down scrub the flo wit it"

hopefully they will ease me back into dreamland tonight earlier than 2am like last night..I gotta wake up and pay by "bills, bills, bills..."

Sunday, June 15, 2008

deez legz 4 u..

Happy Birthday Baby!

When two Geminis partner off, it really is like four people coming together, as Gemini is represented by the dual sign of the Twins. This relationship will never be boring and both partners will share an intellectual approach to life. Both will not only allow but also appreciate the freedom and variety of expression which is characteristic of Gemini. Both enjoy each other's conversation and love to cultivate the art of discussion. Wit and curiosity make them a stunning and stimulating couple, entertaining each other and the people they socialize with. If they learn to cooperate, rather than compete, they will enjoy a happy relationship.

Gemini is a Mutable Sign. Flexible, easy-going natures make the four of them a perfect couple. Having mastered the art of compromise, two Mutable signs together will easily make an enlightened couple who rarely feel the stress of conflict.

The best aspect of the Gemini-Gemini relationship is the enormous amount of intellectual energy and stimulation. Both keep each other from enduring a mundane existence. Together they can entertain the world and accomplish more than either could alone.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

really? she wouldn't??

would she??..have you ever?

If you have found a romantic partner in a Gemini, you have a young at heart lover who wants to try new things and is always looking for a new adventure. The Gemini partner will need a quick wit, and the capacity to change directions on a moment's notice. Gemini will frequently test their partners for loyalty and commitment, so try to keep jealousy and anger at bay, because although the challenge at hand may look like it is external, it is often a situation generated by Gemini himself as a test of your commitment. Additionally, while Gemini is often animated and fun, within a short time this can change to brooding and isolative, so learning when to back off completely is important in this relationship. If Gemini becomes bored within the relationship, he will almost certainly move on, often with no concept of the devastation he is causing, so keeping it fresh and alive over the long term is crucial to holding on to a romantic relationship with a Gemini.

Would you actually concoct something just to make someone jealous??..WOW
Have you??

..I've been so guilty of this....I'm not saying recently..but I'm sayin...

1. Pretend to get sexy emails from other men
2. Pretend to get sexy voice messages from other men
3. Pretend to get flowers from anybody
4. Pretend to flirt with someone that likes me
5. Pretend to like someone that likes me


"Maybe we should be taping so you can remember.. I'm just sayin!"

so highschool - ish...WOW I'm ashamed!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

shut up already...


Happy Birthday PRINCE - June 7th....GEMINI's UNITE!

right now..SIGN O' the TIMES is my all time fav PRINCE album..

1. Housequake
2. If I was your girlfriend
3. PLAY in the sunshine
4. Starfish and Coffee
5. Ballad of Dorothy Parker

Today you are thinking that a change of scenery would do you good. You are feeling this way because you instinctively realize the mental and emotional benefits of doing this. Our psychological makeup demands that we take in new experiences once in a while or we get stuck in a rut. The workaholics burn out because they don't get their nose away from the grindstone before it is too late.

So what do you do when you want to get away and can't...how do you escape?

Thursday, June 5, 2008

the truf ruuuuf......

my horoscope today:

All the stimulation you've been adding to your life has been great, but the cost of those experiences is adding up to create quite a sum total on your credit card statement! It's time to add some more bulk to your rapidly dwindling rainy day fund! Put together a budget that's a little bit painful -- force yourself to go without a few indulgences for a while, and you might be able to enjoy a much bigger one later. Delayed gratification isn't always fun, but it is always worth it.

me and budgets don't equal..never have...I want to live life to the fullest and to the max..

why is that so painful???

think I should get a suga daddy....naw...don't think the champ would like that very much!


Thursday, May 29, 2008

my energy's kinetic...

The Twins aren't asking for much, just someone who will stimulate their mind for a great time. Of course, those mental hijinks need to have a bit of follow-through, so a lover with variety on their mind will score a perfect 10. That said, a quickie in the back seat of a fast car is just what the doctor ordered on some days. Face it, the Gemini woman is versatile! Most of all, sex is a mental sport for Gemini. The act begins in the head and works its way down and around.

Gemini is always in search of the perfect lover and the perfect sexual experience. Once they (hopefully) find it, they will want, and give, stimulation to all the senses, for sight, sound and touch are all important. Bottom line: The Twins want something different and something complete.

Not too much to ask, right?

For me when I can make it happen quickly I feel I've done my job.
My girls are just the opposite..they say the longer the guy lasts the better..
they tell me they'd rather it take longer so they can get theirs..hmmmmm

I've been working on my SLOW MOTION techniques in the bedroom, tryna slow it down, enjoy the moment..and don't rush the pleasure...let him take his time pleasing me and WOW
its been great!

Ladies/Fellas what do you prefer..quickies or LONG DRAWN out sessions??...DRAWN out may be a lil harsh..but I tend to enjoy the quickies...lets get it over with and do something else.

sex is like a sport to me....get to the goal, get the trophy and lets get some dinner champ..

and the faster I can get him to his goal the better ...


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ankh....@ 40

My only gripe with having birthdays is when people say "You look good for your age" WTF..I HATE THAT!
I'm so excited to see

what the future

holds for lil ole me

once I turn 4-teeeeeee

I'm ready for the NEW NEW!
This will start GEMINI MONTH..shout out to my baby who was also born on JUNE 16th !!!

Tidbit No. 1. Sexual Preferences of a Gemini woman
This woman is quite unpredictable when it comes to sex. The place is not as important for her as mental stimulation. Gemini woman is open to new things with no prejudices about sex . But her strongest turn-on lies in her brain. Phone sex, adult DVD and sex books are among her favorite though, because she can't imagine her life without mental stimulation. Gemini woman is innately gifted with the art of teasing, that's why a soft feather in her hands turns into a spicy sensual play with the wide range of sensations. She likes to invent new ways and intricate manipulations of pleasing her partner. She may introduce balls into vagina and as her partner penetrate her from behind or combine it with manual stimulation of the genitals.

as flava flav would say..WOW WOW WOW WOOOOOOOOW!!!!
p.s. I have never had balls in my vagina....

Monday, May 19, 2008

that kind of guy...

I was emailing someone yesterday describing THE CHAMP
and the only thing I could say was that "he's a CATCH".

I knew from our very first telephone conversation 90 days ago...
that we were both on the same page and headed in the same direction.
I knew he was different and I would be changed by him from that day..
day 1 we marked it.
The way he smiled ... turned me soft because I knew it was genuine and just for me
instant gratification..all the time smiles, giggles, hugs and kisses
kind words of support, comfort, desire, passion, completeness.
I knew we'd be different to each other not like all the rest.
Taking our time/more time, listening more, more willing to compromise,
sharing insides that no one else could touch - generous with our affection..
our attention in one direction..
our need for each other is matched ... point to point connection.

I knew we'd have new experiences and new outcomes,
new lovers for the first time, making everyone else the last time
I knew we were growing together and into some real together
all easy loving

I know..this type of feeling only comes once in a lifetime you say?
and some people think discomfort will eventually come after the love
I never thought that...
and you can only have one soulmate you say?
I had a soulmate I didn't marry and a husband that never saw my passion,
but he sees it all...everytime
and he makes me feel it..even when I doubted....
after all these days he said he'd go back to day one
to convince me ...when the fear freezes me
in my steps and in my feelings
my imagination like a runaway train
I'm chasing everything
but something else, running
trying to get free, pushing him away, off of me...
sabotage and abandonment filled the time
that was meant for him and us
wasted energy that shouldn't have existed

luckily he had faith and trusted what we already had/could have
he was aware of my baggage and he constantly told me
"I got you..don't worry, I will wait for you"
my common denominator in weekends, thoughts, and prayers
plans for the future too.
In my heart I keep him safe..barely to escape
unless them to him
to his face
in his ear
only for him
actions reserved for him
love with his name on it
no more
what did I do wrong..will I do it again??
will I fall...and will he catch me??

in one day..this instance
I let it all go...all the betrayal..just like that
it was lifted..and the love just poured out of me and it won't stop

no more doubt I told him...and he makes sure it stays that way
consistent with me always..even when my leaves were flailing in the wind
even when I'm unsure
or wavering
he's that big strong tree
that doesn't budge

he's that guy
I was walking behind on a 5 mile trail
around stone mountain this weekend
I kept trying to push him ahead of me
telling him to run his own race , go faster, speed up
but he stayed with me
grabbing my hand
pushing me forward saying "I'm not leaving you"
"Are you afraid I will get lost?"
he said, "No"
"Am I slowing you down?"
again he said "No, I just want to be next to you"
"I can see you...so go"
"I'm not going anywhere"
and with that
we just kept walking...
side by side
staying close
yep he's that kind of guy
"loving him a little more everyday"

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

near and with me....

he asked me why I left
total silence
a new season, a new me
the old me, the woe is me
fear upon me
couldn't articulate my feelings
couldn't state my case
he was my only voice of reason
my haven of balance and maturity

had to leave him
fly to sanity
outside our bubble
be free or burn together
this circle of love
that was pierced by
pride and uncertainty
caught in my throat
I wanted to
but I couldn't
I needed to
but I wouldn't
not again
choking now
on my tears
so I ran
and I didn't say why

Friday, May 2, 2008

call it a crime...

I just realized this morning driving into work that I haven't had much to write about because I'm happy...I've been looking for my happy place..I'm in my happy place...I'm on my way to a happier place

I'm one of those people that could write and express myself better on paper when I'm sad, depressed, emotionally distraught and feeling blue.

When I'm happy I keep those feelings in, to myself, holding them close and never letting them out for fear they will get away from me..for fear they will be stolen from me never to return.

I wrote some of my best work on my old blog because I was heartbroken, soul searching and confused...the more my heart breaks the more I'm able to express myself.

When I'm happy and content I choke and keep those feelings inside, which reminds me of this by Marianne Williamson

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
It is our light not our darkness that frightens us
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us
It is not just in some of us
It is in everyone
And as we let our own light shine
We unconsciously give permission to other people
To do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear
Our presence automatically liberates others

on another note: I'd be even happier if I had NELLY in my life!

"You can go search but you never could find,
I promise you derrty I'm one of a kind. "

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

the bitch is back, part II

my girl TIFFY holds it down (bronlaw too)

we connected from day one almost a year ago and we are like sisters fo real!!!

this goes out to her..for always listening, trusting my advice, giving me wisdom, and keeping it gully...

"I don’t care what a bitch think or how a hoe feel
Cause ain’t nann one of you hoes payin my bills
And ain’t nann one of you hoes fina buy me a crib
And ain’t nann one of you hoes fina get me a whip
I know I must make a lot of ya’ll hoes sick
And all I can tell you hoes, get used to it bitch!"

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

mi.ami. you tight.word....

She barely made it through her meetings today at work.
All she could think about was her plans for TC.
She knew their next adventure would involve a beach
and some serious bumping and grinding on a dance floor.

She spent the entire afternoon looking for flights and
making hotel arrangements before calling him and asking him
to meet her at the airport.

They both arrived at 630pm. He was freshly shaven and
smelling good with his black overnight bag hanging from his shoulder.
6'3" , sexy and chocolate.

She was wearing a white trench coat and he wasn't sure what was underneath
but his mind wandered to the evening before when he was standing over her,
naked on his bed, watching her rub her smooth pink suzie q (as she called it),
while he watched, while he stroked himself....while he fantasized.

WHEW! He shook his head fast..trying to save those visions for later..
trying to get them out of his head now as he walked thru the airport.
He didn't want anyone to see his erection thru his jeans but she saw it right away...
and she smiled a big smile knowing it was all for her.
To return the favor she flashed him a thigh..
he caught a glimpse of her black lacey garter, stockings and 5 inch heels. he grinned.
DAYUM he could hardly walk after that he was so fucking horny for her...
and he wanted and needed what was under that coat.

Even though they'd been dating for months each time with her felt like the first time...
even when they'd just spent the midnight hour sexin in the front seat of his truck hours,
later he'd need her again like he'd never had her.
She grabbed his hand just then and slowly kissed him
he smelled her and melted she then pulled him towards their gate..
they didn't have much time.
he looked up .
destination Miami.

once settled in their assigned seats his hands felt her warm skin..
the seat belt sign was lit and the flight attendent started her pre flight safety speech

"Please turn your attention to the safety manual located in the front pocket of the seat in front of you"
he slide his hands between her warm , soft, thighs, pulled her thongs aside and found her wetness, she inhaled
he slide in his middle finger and she exhaled
"Please take this time to locate the emergency exits located at the front, side and rear of the plane"
He used his thumb to rub circles around her clit..she slowly started to move her hips
"To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight and low across your waist."
she grabbed his hard thru her coat and pushed it deeper , she started to move faster
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling."
She started to tremble as he whispered in her ear "cum for me baby..let me feel it..I know you can do it...do it right here...right now..I won't stop til you do." her movements were short and quick jolts, she almost lost her breath
"Your seat cushions can be used for a flotation device" the flight attendent continued.
This time he stuck in 2 fingers and it was all she could to not scream out...
as she came all over him
"Thanks for flying with our airline..Please remain in your seats until the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign"
her: thanks baby...once we get in the air I'm going to show you my appreciation somehow
him: I'm looking forward to that


"Everything.. ccccccheck
Thats why i cant wait to slip off your clothes
and lick you from head to toe"

Thursday, April 10, 2008

please understand...

cute M.S.N article someone emailed me

Top 5 signs you could have a player on your hands…

1) He’s bold. For the playa, the pickup is a game. He doesn’t approach women with the same nervousness or awkwardness of a normal guy. He’ll walk up confidently, {READ SWAG} with a big smile and great eye contact. His manner will be smooth and put-together.

2) He declares his feelings right away. Playas employ a “fast come-on,”making sweeping statements of affection (e.g., “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met”) from the word go. These declarations can feel very welcome, especially if you’ve been in a string of relationships that lacked such intimacy. Just remember that true closeness takes time, and it’s normal for a guy to be more guarded about his emotions.

3) He always plans romantic dates. Dating for the playa is kind of a performance art. And he’s going to be good at it.

4) He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. The playa tends to be a lone wolf. That doesn’t mean he lacks for drinking buddies. The same way he charms women, he can charm lots of people in his life. The key is that, in friendship as in romance, his affections run broad but not deep. If solid pals are hard to come by with this guy, consider yourself warned.

5) He’s a thrill seeker. A guy who spends his spare time looking for a rush — fast driving, bungee jumping, kite-boarding, heli-skiing — should give you pause. This type, craves the high that comes from conquering a difficult challenge, and that goes for his relationship goals as well. Once he’s “conquered” you, your allure may quickly fade. …

WELL DAYUM...what do you guys think - true or false..and here is the flip side

TOP 5 signs he’s just a nice, upstanding guy

1) He’s goofy. The sincere suitor is not suave. He doesn’t always say the right thing. “Believe me,” “The false charmer does not trip. He knows where his feet are at all times.”

2) He remembers personal details and events. It’s the most basic way to show someone you care—by learning about his or her life and interests. Playas can’t be bothered with this.

3) He treats his mama right. Generally speaking, a loving family begets a loving person, and the opposite is also true.

4) He can mingle. “The sincere guy doesn’t mind being in a room with people who are more accomplished than he is.” Conversely, the playa wants to be in situations that will glorify only himself, especially around his woman. He doesn’t want to listen to another man’s interesting story. A loving guy, on the other hand, can mix with others even when he’s not the star of the show, and actually enjoys learning things from them.

5) He says, “I love you.” As fawning as a playa's affections are, there’s still something sacred about the L-bomb. An insincere man would say, “I want to grow old with you,” or “I want to have children with you,” but “I love you” remained somehow off limits. A guy who says those three magic words may very well mean them.

Right now I'm falling for a guy that's a lil bit of playa and a lil bit of good guy..
he's a gemini..no wonder!!!

You can't play me, I'm GEE Thee G-E-E

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

i gots nuffin...

'cept my TOP 5 sick lyrics of the day:

"I"m sick like the flu.." CraigMack
"They say I'm 730, say I spaz out" - FB
"Oh cat daddy...tell me what you know about us" Teedra
"Don't let the world break me tonight" Mariah
"I don't need anotherI could spend my lifeBeing your lover" Janet

Sunday, March 30, 2008

not to blame

someone told me this weekend that a brand NEW relationship
is a good time to break all bad habits.
is it even possible to start fresh everytime you meet someone new??
ms. new booty (sorry shouts out to bubbasparkxxxx)
are you always bringing up shit, old emotions
that you thought you'd let go??
apparently not

like finding old love letters and lovemaking cds..

the signs are there..hidden or out in the open..they had someone before you
previous cats

they had girlfriends, jumpoffs and even wives...recognize
but why pull them into your relationship now..that was
months, years ago, let it go

whew! I'm trying my damn-dest to take my own advice
mistakes and heartaches get the best of me, and man its hard

so hard
to just live in the moment
in the time
where you are right now

its hard but i'm doing it
i will do it

Krush told me
"you need new ointment
for those old wounds"

I guess I do
where's the nearest drugstore??


i'm in such a good mood right now
you always wonder
there is a permanent smile
on my face
its been that way
since the day we met
you make me smile
instant chemistry
that's gotten the best of me
the way you take care of me
warms my heart, us and we
I'm so giggly with you
so at peace and calm
so relaxed and renewed
with you i'm glued

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

the art of noise...

Its no secret that words get me and
I use words to get a reaction
I admit that
lyrically i'm...

talking too much during sex WooooW
has this happened to you..the guy is too chattybratty???
the girl just won't shut up??

I admit it I LOVE FOR A MAN to whisper in my ear
all the things I love to hear like

"give it to me baby"
"I know you got one more for me baby"
"tell me how you want it baby"

dAYUM that gets me

but sometimes I wonder if what I'm saying is good to him
or is it a distraction

have you ever wanted to say

"shut up baby"


TOP 5...

1) whats the sexiest thing you've heard during

2) whats the goofiest

3) what do you fantasize about hearing

4) are you the most talkative one

5) would you prefer silence??

what cha'll know bout beat box???

quiet please....

Sunday, March 23, 2008

here comes peter cottontail...

The Easter Bunny hasn't been to see me since I was 12 hunting for eggs at my grammama and 'nems house in Virginia..but this year....HE FOUND ME and lookie...some of my favorite things.
TOP 5.....

Janet Jackson
Jill Scott
TONS of kisses


"You put it down last night
do you want some money baby
how bout some chicken wings"


Thursday, March 6, 2008


his indecision
frightens me
never knowing which way
he's gonna feel today
twin intuition
lies and deceit
he's not ready for me
his heart is broken
too many
holes to count
his honesty
worries me
never straightforward
working around his answer
dancing around the truth
split personality
he'll regret
the time not spent
pressure building
mounting in his mind
my ability to adapt
to this situation
would be impossible
his mystery
fascinates me
stimulates my insides
leaving me thirsty
and full of
leaving me restless

my twin

I see me in him

"no need to worry"

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Why limit yourself...

Question of the DAY:

Should you keep all your eggs in one basket

or should you scramble them with cheese

and share the wealth???

affectionately signed,

"And I don't tell stories, I let em tell theyself "

Sunday, March 2, 2008

if love is the end....

Would you be willing to give your full heart if you knew true love was the end??

I've been evaluating the past 2 years since my marriage ended and I'm so over it. DONE.
I've kissed a few frogs and even a saint and the results were always the same. LONELINESS.

I've put myself in situations, false relationships, unconsciously that I knew had no future.
Made myself available to the unavailable because maybe in my heart I knew I wasn't ready
for something more permanent and that could be and would be all mine.
When you know its not gonna work you don't even try. When you know that person is not worthy of your love you don't give it all you've got. Sometimes you think you don't derseve it.
Maybe you know they don't deserve. Everything is hard and forced,
Nothing is easy, there is always a struggle.
I wasn't strong enough, stable enough, healthy enough anyway. I wasnt ready for the relationship I dreamed of, desired and planned for. Couldn't fully accept it anyway. Couldn't fully let go of the past anyway. There was a wall, sometimes it was invisible and sometimes it smacked me in the face til I passed out from the emotional and physical exhaustion of it all.
Just plain and simple, I wasn't ready.

Now I am.

Now I'm ready to give fully and freely. Nothing to control, eggshells to walk on, easy buttons to push.
Just want to enjoy long dates, wet kisses, strong hugs and late night conversations with the full knowledge that we are in this thing together.
Wanna hold his hand, sink into his embrace and know that "I got him".
Want him to look into my eyes, grab my hand and know that "he's got me".
Want us to be at the same place at the same PACE. Learning.

Both leaving the past behind and moving forward....full steam.
Don't want to be afraid of getting hurt or losing.
Don't want to worry about my flaws, failures, insecurities and past mistakes.
Just want to go with him, be with him, sing with him and dance with him.

I'm giving my heart, I've already decided.

"I'll play
what ever you say
If love is the end"

P.S. starting a NEW NEW job...like a real one....my first 9 to 5 well actually 8 to 4 in over 8 years

WOW....my feet gon be hurting!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

come on kiss the gun...

he was so tall
overpowering even
she couldn't help
but wonder to herself
when she hugged him
how it would feel
if he slipped his hands
into her boyshorts
would anyone notice
folk meeting and greeting
place crowded
maybe his arms would be hidden
by his dark jacket
button down shirt
as he manuevered
inside her tight jeans
down and inside her warmth
as he spread her lips apart
to the folds of her wet spot
he silently wondered
if the people playing pool
next to them would notice
her hips as they rocked
against the palm of his hand
they both secretly hoped
strangers would ignore
what seemed like a playful kiss
and hand to his cheek
and not hear her roar
"u. r. gonna make me cum"
then him whispering
"go head baby"
the encounter
this one embrace
only lasted 90 seconds
just a taste
that was all it took

"guaranteed for fun"

Monday, February 25, 2008

shoot the moon....

neva know til you try it....

posting this for TIFFY..my eyebrows...

I've neva eva eva altered them cept for a few plucks here and there

thinking bout getting them waxed this week...shape them up...
I want them bushy and full but toned down..something to add to my
beauty regime.

what have you added lately??

I'm pretty low maintenance..I like to keep it simple but
for the new year I want to try some new things

shake it up a little..maybe a new hair color??

oh and I've started a new project...day 3 ;)

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

its your world....

Quote of the Day

"Don't let other people tell you what you want."

– Pat Riley

TOP 5.....

are you living your life for someone else??
are you on the outside looking in??
are you trapped in a dream that is not yours??
are you a victim of your circumstances??
are you everything you aspire to be??

everything we need we already have

Monday, February 18, 2008

overachievers anonymous....

I spent the BEST WEEKEND EVER with my girls from da BURG....we've known each other half our lives and we've all experienced the same things JUST at different times of our lives....
we shopped together, went to church together, cried together, listened to go-go (Sardines HEY and pork n beans) and house music and drank so much booze together it was ridiculous...
my friend had a full blown bar IN HER HOUSE..we concocted every drink imaginable and we went thru 4 yearbooks, 6 photo albums and 2 dean and deluca bags of photos!

I'm gonna post some my college photos because truly they show the TRUE ME! WOW!
from the spandex biker shorts and reeboks, to the too big for my face eyeglasses, to the size 2 cheerleading outfit, to all the OMEGA man we chased and devoured (we had 2 albums alone of all of our que boyfriends) WOW! we wore pink timbalands, leather trenchcoats with magenta sweatsuits...we smelled like liz claiborne realities and we listened to Maureen by Sade 24/7

those were the days...but anyways..

the most important part of the weekend was just how all of our conversation centered around the men in our lives...past, present and what we want in the future...

and there was only one complaint
Why are men intimidated by women that are doing well for themselves?

wtf?? I read so many blogs daily written by men talking about how he wants his woman to be successful/have a hustle (right sbm??) , cook, have a nice body, give him head on a regular basis and let him hang with his boys from time to time

but when we make too much money they feel inadequate
when we feed them too much they get santa bellies and blame our mashed potatoes
when our bodies are all hard and we got the 6-pack they look at themselves with disgust
when we give them head...well they don't complain about that but they always want more

and when we let them hang with the boys...they do stooopid shit!

but the main theme that got me is that when a man has someone that can pay her bills on time, buy them special gifts, treat them to dinners and movies
the man feels less than a man
he then wants to feel more needed and more than likely turns to someone that is NEEDY!!!
he turns away from the I- N- D- E- P-E - N -D - E- N- T woman to someone that has nothing going on...

men say they don't want a woman without any dreams but when we have too many they say we are being extravagant or unrealistic
one BFF's boyfriend said her house was too big
one BFF's boyfriend said she should downsize from her truck to a car
shit I've had guys say they were intimidated because I worked all the time

its like men bitch and moan about wining and dining women but when they meet a women that doesn't need alladat they complain, rebel and end up finding someone that does....

men gotta love em...."I eat em in the morning and I eat em in the night"

Friday, February 15, 2008

heart rate increases...


this is all I got...


6'3" and full of fine-NESS

something about his nipples...
"You start to shiver.. but then you scream, my friend"

Have a great weekend ladies! *wink*
"This is the rap season.. where the gee starts pleasin"

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

my valentine....

he's black and hot....my MR. COFFEE....LOVE HIM!!!

...my vday gift from DAD...not that *daddy* (protector)

but my biological DAD (you remember the crazy one)

I've been on the horn with TIFFY all week about how I wanted a coffee maker...and this is what I got...called DAD and told him my bank account needed a refresher and he hooked me up.

So I bought this and this...i love coffee mugs

I rented Why Did I Get Married and bought The Best Man

The Protector and I didn't make plans and had no expectations....we are broken up anyways..right


so I have plans with myself, my coffee and my movies.

Got a job interview tomorrow early (so i'm posting this now) then I have the rest of the day off to pamper myself and rest up for my girls weekend!

go gee - dub!!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

good to me....

two things:

i'm reading the 4 agreements thanks to my hairdresser:

1) Say only what you mean
2) Nothing others do is because of you
3)Ask questions..express what you really want
4)Do your best

..in a nutshell everyone should read this book!

and i'm headed to Charlotte to visit my bestest girlfriend from college..
met her on the first day of school...she was also my maid of honor
we are still very close and her dad and my dad are still friends 20 {ahem} years later....
haven't seen her since we took a girls getaway to disney about 4 years ago
she called to tell me she's going on a cruise for her birthday this month
and I want to see her before she goes

I'm also doing a cruise in JUNE...............GEMINI BABY!
..wish we were doing it together - we've always been with each other in spirit even when we don't see each other for years! we've gotten into so much trouble over the years it AIN'T even funny!!

I need to see her...she feeds my spirit...she quenches my soul...gives me a feeling of comfort, she's my warm blanket...she restores my faith and gets me to see the important things in life and I never sweat the small stuff when i'm around her

one time we were driving and ran out of gas...I almost peed in my pants cuz she said
"thats it..we're out of gas"
me: "what????"
her: "we're out of gas"
me: "what do you mean?"
her: "what I said..we are OUT OF GAS!!"
the way she said it just made me die laughing ...
me: "isn't this a hybrid"
her: "what does that have to do with anything"
me: "we shouldn't ever run out of gas"
her: "well we are now"
we sat and cried and laughed so hard for 30mins..we couldn't stop laughing
we couldn't even call for help we just laughed and cried

I know you had to be there but it was the funniest thing ever I swear..I'm crying from laughing so hard right now as I type this!

so anyways..that's my share of the week..aren't you glad you stopped by ;)

:I feel like I’m seeing the world
inside of me
I can tell you that I know,
it's getting easier to breathe:

Friday, February 8, 2008

freestyle gee-day

They say the gee is complicated
more like disrespected and hated
like when you gave your love and time
and they just skated
into the life of another one
you sit and cry to mama’s gun
but the tears won’t erase
the baggage that is sure to come
out from nowhere with the next one
he won’t understand the rage,mistrust,
and accusations
its all his fault for nothing
still he risked it all for the sensation
burning deepshe felt a false something
blamed it on jealousy
look inside the inner me is the enemy
no matter how fast I run
I still come undone
as my clothes fall at my feet
giving it up for free
to the next one

"i wish i could lose
all of my blues
i wish i could stop
puttin my blues on u"

Thursday, February 7, 2008

you durty rat.....

The Chinese year 4706 begins on today. Goodbye Pig...hello The Year of the Rat

Legend has it that in ancient times, Buddha asked all the animals to meet him on Chinese New Year. Twelve came, and Buddha named a year after each one. He announced that the people born in each animal's year would have some of that animal's personality. Those born in rat years tend to be leaders, pioneers, and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking.

My Chinese Zodiac is the Monkey (like my slippers?? MONKEYPAWZZ-thanks Crissy)

Here are some highlights:

No task is too great for the clever Monkeys.
They master most anything.

They have extremely charming manners that draw others.

Monkeys solve difficult problems with ease.

They are quick-witted,innovative, and they have total and intense belief in themselves.

No one delights in their own accomplishments like the Monkeys. Enjoying themselves immensely, they try anything at least once!

They don't care what opinions others have of them. They know they are lucky, and they also know they have the ability to change things when convenience calls. Monkeys are virtually unsinkable! When the odds are stacked against them, Monkeys know when to quit.

Their timing is superb, and they will wait to try another time.

Monkeys like to travel, and they want to do it first class.They need a certain amount of excitement in their lives.

Since Monkeys get what they want without too much trouble, they may not care about all their conquests. They lose interest quickly and must learn to finish what they start and take care of what they have.

People always flock around Monkeys,but Monkeys don't trust very much. They know a select group of friends that they choose carefully. Money is a must for Monkeys, and they usually have it, or will be in the process of getting it.They know nothing is permanent. They improve and try to do better, and often amaze even themselves. Monkeys like facts and they hate to waste time.

Monkeys must be careful in romance, although clear-sighted, they are very critical and lose interest in anyone they can't consider their peer.They are vain and egotistical,but even that is to their advantage.

Monkeys are always out in front!

Sounds like a Gemini to me, conceited as hell!!!!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

this body of mine...

I've been taking tons of photos of various parts of my body lately..Exploring how other people see me. Asking myself how do I look nekkid? Do I really look good in tight jeans. Should I go up in a bra size? Does anyone else notice how dry my feet are??
Pictures help...cuz its hard to just look in a mirror and step back and really see yourself...

First off I have a lot of freckles and moles..wow!! what's the difference??? i dunno
and I have a lot of HAIR wow!!! I need to wax erry dayum day and don't miss a day!!

do men really like women bald down there or with just a hint of hair?? anyways off topic

I think I look better straight on in photos..my profile view shows my double chin..I love my breasts, my hands and my lips. My hair has always been a pain cept in highschool I had the fly azz symetrical hair cut now I just keep it natural, no perms.

and wow do I need a haircut, i loook straight like don king when I wake up in the morning

..I cut my hair very short last august..and since then it grows faster and you can see my gray BIGTIME!!!! when it was long I never knew I had gray hair!!! and it seemed to never grow..go figure...

My butt is a size 8 but my belly is a size 14....naw lemme stop ... but really
I need a gut buster!!!!

I wish I had that runners attitude..ya know those people that can just get up every morning and walk or run . read: tiffy...I don't have it and never had it.

I looked my best and was most in shape 2 times in my life...The first time was in College I was a NCAA cheerleader so my body was TIGHT! I recorded every thing I ate and I was fit...I stayed a size 4 (not saying that is fit but it was fit for me) til I got married in 1997.

Then I got all comfy in my marriage started cooking and buying groceries like the stores were going out of business..I mean all the we did was EAT...next thing I know I'm a size 12...

so in

2004 I started going to a gym cuz I was just too lazy otherwise....I mostly did step aerobics, treadmill and light weights

I dropped down to a healty size 8..and I really loved how I looked but now I feel I'm sinking into that "lets eat everything in fridge in one day" mode....

I think once I settle into one job...I'm doing too many right now
and once I settle into a man...mind on the wrong one right now
then maybe I can settle into healthy eating habits and a workout that makes me happy!

or maybe I should flip it and reverse it??

Monday, January 28, 2008


from day to day..in limbo
trying so many different things that aren't working out
so what do i desire?? what should I be focusing on?
my life used to have so much direction..or did it?

When i was younger my dream was to get married
and have kids and work a job I loved!

so i drifted from single status to marital
i got so settled and comfortable
then my partner drifted out
so I switched my focus to a NEW dream

to own something ... in my name only
something I could nurture and make a success
Secure my/our future
sweat equity
drifted from housewife to business owner

when I look back on these things I don't remember
the challenge and the struggle I just remember I made it
happen, somehow, someway
my mind was clear
I knew exactly what I was doing

now i'm just confused
shakenwhats my next move??
i'm hope that this will also
look like a walk in the park on a sunny day
once I get on the other side and look back at it
but for now it seems every door
i get the courage to walk thru
and turn the knob and settle in
i end up finding an empty room

want to get out of this cycle
want to open the door and get thru
come out on top
but I'm scrambling
mind all over the place
cuz I just don't know where to start


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

thanks daddy

wow my dad has always been special but his attitude regarding family is such a downer

sheesh i called the WRONG person tonight

me: hey daddy
him: hey baby..what's up
me: oh i wanted your advice on something
i'm thinking of moving closer to my family (mom's side)
him: why..your mother is crazy baby
me: huh? she doesn't even live there she's in wilmington
i'm thinking of going to greensboro
(with all my aunts (4), my close cousins, my grandmother, etc.)

him: family is the last folk i'd try to move next to
me: huh? (cracking up, asking myself is he serious?)
him: shit living next to strangers is scary enough
family will really treat you like shit
me: what?
him: c, my family is screwing me a new asshole
over this property

(he owns 100+ acres in georgia (also tons of properties in
florida)...and since he's retired his brothers and sisters are
suing him for a piece of it...to make a long story short)

anyways he's bitter..and now I see just how much

me: but daddy i've been to close to my family since i was
baby we've never had any drama..i think it would be a nice
change for me
i moved here 11 years with alex, i've sold my business
nothing is keeping me here now
him: well damn a family...what if they stab you in the back?
what if they move away
me: *blank stare*
i'm sorry you are going thru this with your siblings
but my moms family is different
him: yeah but your mother is crazy

my mom moved to dc, met my dad while working at the state dept.
he went to fight in the war and later they divorce cuz he had issues
and he calls her crazy??

me: wow
him: you might as well move back to dc
me: no its too expensive
him: well damn i can't help you
if you move closer to your family
and the shit hits the fan then don't call me
family will screw you please don't do it
me: we're close daddy it may be the support i need right now
him: shit thats why i walk around with my shotgun now
my damn family
i'm protecting my farm from my family not my neighbors
me: okay daddy i didn't want help just advice
him: well i'm advising you to stay where you are now
me: ok daddy
him: don't worry baby
i'm due to win the lottery any day now
its coming and i'll send you some money
me: speechless again *blank stare*
okay daddy i'll talk to you soon
him: love you
me: i love you too

why do grown folks think "playin their numbers"
is the answer to all prayers???

did i mention my daddy fought in vietnam
he's a lil crazy but i'll always be
daddy's lil girl

.....................................from a distance


Monday, January 14, 2008

restricted area...

i try
i really do
to try to find something
wrong with you
in love
with the wrong man
too short
too tall
too skinny
too fat
made perfect
in my eyes
he was worthy
i was not
so i looked for fault
to free myself
to let go
to cut the strings
that were
choking me
squeezing me
from my veins
this love
too controlling
too convincing
too understanding
too devastating
want to find flaw
when you listened
how you comforted
want to find strength
when you rescue
can't find myself
lost in you
hopeful and so untrue
must bend in a new
function alone


Friday, January 11, 2008

18 vs. 40

why come i gotta be
a cougar
cuz i'm crushin on
chris brown
he's literally shoved
down my throat on the
radio, tv, utube....
my cousins crib
can't escape
the lovey dovey

i'm saying i'm almost 40
I look almost 30
looking for someone almost 20
he's 18


Top 5: cougar-isms
1. 40+
3. mentally stable
4. financially stable
5. in control

know one??

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

catch 22

didn't take my meds..tagged again..by krush - wouldn't be proper blog etiquette if I ignored it..lol

Two Names you go by:
1. gee double
2. gee unit

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. brown sweats
2. pink striped top

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. no fear of expression
2. kindness

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Eat
2. Eat while surfing

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. new truck
2. vacation (all expenses paid)

Two pets you had/have:

Two people you think will fill this out:
Imma not tag nobody

Two things you did last night:
1. knitted
2.went to bed early

Two things you ate today:
1. bagel
2. rice, broccoli, chicken

Two people you last talked to:
1. mom
2. Tiffy

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. washing my hair
2. chillaxin {i'm boycotting work}

Two longest car rides:
1. atl to dc
2. nc to atlantic city

Two favorite holidays:
1. christmas
2. valentine's day

Favorite beverages:
1. cranberry juice
2. diet pepsi

Person no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
1. marvin gaye
2. luther v.

Nobody knows what I go through
Indecisions made me passive
hey say I want my cake and I want to eat it too
ess satisfied if I don't, consequences when I do

Monday, January 7, 2008


so what is proper blog etiquette??

when is it okay to leave a comment?? only after someone has commented on yours??

how long do you lurk before commenting?? do you just lurk on some blogs and never comment?

when do you add people to your blogroll?? after they've added you, after they've had x amount of comments on your blog??

how many crushes is too many blog crushes?? LOL

this month marks my 1st anniversary of blogging and I still feel new to the game....I have a lot of blog favs and I comment as much as possible and some are on my blogroll but blogland does seem very clique-ish to me still.

I wonder if I've broken any rules. I added, subtracted and re-added folks to my blogroll over and over again. Most folk are there just cuz I enjoy reading their blogs and its fine that they never comment here. Most folk are there because they do comment here and I appreciate that. and most folk are here because i'm on their roll.

and some people I read I want to keep private (don't want anyone else to know about them) lol

i know one site in particular I've commented a few times but did not get that welcome vibe so I never went back....partially because I wasn't a member this invisible club and maybe she didn't want me there...i felt the icy cold and now I just lurk...why?

isn't that so high-school-ish?? are there really blog snobs??

How do you feel when you leave comments but the host never responds to your comments??

and what about the lurkers...read but won't comment..so why read..why not say something?? anything?

if you've ever felt unwelcomed here..email me!!!

i've been getting 75-100 hits aday with only a few comments..maybe I need to find something else to talk about... maybe I should just post photos

that's so blog-ish! why??

do you have any friends in your real life that reads your blog?? I have 2 and it causes problems and sometimes I censor

some people just can't know your every thought....why?

Saturday, January 5, 2008

what chu know??

Hollywood is such a game..part 2 (oh i'll post part 1 another day) its still on my phone..

n e ways...

I'm such a celebreality junkie! damn!
I wish I wasn't but I am
I love reading about their lives,
their kids, their fuk ups, their triumphs.
Somehow I feel like I'm some distant
cousin following their careers so that
when I see them at grandmamama's
and 'em at Thanksgiving I'll be up-to-date
but alas they are not my cousins and we've
never shared turkey, stuffing or
sweet potato pie.
Still my thoughts stay glued on them.
How do they make it thru each day
living under a microscope? Every flaw
magnified 100x..I'd crack, I really would
I mean everyday to see and hear something
negative being said and written about you over
and over again...and most of it is lies and
exaggerated...I realize
but still its gotta piss you off most times if not all!

I would have to create yet another personality
{I have too many as it is} but for real...I'd be like
Beyonce vs. Sasha...cuz then I'd be like
"they talking about her" her being the stage personality
not me..the real me...Those are Sasha's clothes sewn by momma,
her lace front , her shoes that are fierce...
me? i'm just regular bey bey...my hair is thin
and I have split ends just like errybody else.

to be real.

yeah that helps me sleep better at night.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

caller id

does distance really make the heart grow fonder
or does it makes the heart wander

i wonder if it gives you
too much time to think
or too many moments
that are weak

left to your own
would you be naughty
or nice

act on every impulse??

have you ever done something
when you thought no one was looking??

i'm not talking about dancing nekkid
in the mirror?

sort of like a man leaving his wife
alone to take a cruise and
then she finds her soulmate
and never returns to him
been away too long
forgot what he meant to her

a life long cruise..
who needs that??
do you want that

an escape from your life

is anyone ever 100%

who tells everything??
says everything??

do you really want to
know the whole truth

you can't handle the truth!!!

sometimes too much
is too much
I'd rather not know
like the news
don't wanna know
don't wanna see

rose colored glasses

gimme sum!

i wanna see the positive in everything
want you to see it too
optimistic view
if you don't get a job
maybe God's protecting you

you can't see everything
coming your way
you gotta wait for it
the unknown