Sunday, August 24, 2008

just one more day...

the weekends are JUST TOO SHORT!

I can't forget those lovely days...I need one more day
I will do anything you want me to do, say anything you want me to say

cherish you til the day I die
let me have one more day

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....just one more day

Friday, August 15, 2008

vain...or NOT

I'm wondering if I'm vain as I sit at my desk at work checking my mirror 15,000 times.

Am I vain?? Do I think I look good?

What am I checking for? Is my gray showing? Do I have food in my teeth? Boogers in my nose?? Zits on my cheeks? Chin hair? Crust in my eyes?? Wax in my ears??

Why am I obsessing over my looks??? Such a gemini...happy one minute...frowning the next.

But really...why do I feel like all eyes on me? Is it my looks...my physical features? Do you see something you like?

Or are you checking for blemishes and moles?? Are you looking for something out of place??
I feel myself doing this to everyone around me...even the champ..drives him crazy!! I'm plucking his eyebrows...constantly squeezing his face...What's wrong with me??
am I obsessed with perfection...???

I feel like everything is out of place...out of sync.... but by what standards??

I want a new haircut, I want my old body back, I want a manicure and a pedicure, I want the hair on my legs to stop growing, I want my lips fuller, I want these freckles and moles off my face. Why? I dunno

Who am I trying to impress? I dunno

Why allasudden? I dunno

I'm just not proud of how I look right now..TODAY.. so how could I be vain?

Is it because I think everyone is looking at me...talking about me...thinking about me....measuring my accomplishments, analyzing my salary, guessing my intentions, judging my work and weighing my emotions. I'm afraid they will see right through me...will they think I'm fake? that I have been faking? that I don't know all the answers, I make mistakes, I have flaws.

Will they be able to see past that..see past it all and into my heart?? Am I a fraud?...I don't have it together or do I??..cuz I damn sho made it thru 40 years and I have a very bless - sed life. I'm sure of it.

So Am I going through a midlife crisis?? Whats wrong with me TODAY??

....my saving grace is that I've started my gratitude journal again..after putting it down 3 years ago..no wonder the past 2 years have been so tough ... I need to get back to acknowledging all THAT I have instead of fussing over what I want and how I should look.

*double sigh*

Sunday, August 3, 2008

spirit flowing on the inside...

i'm one of those people that create their best stuff when they are depressed, sad, confused, anxious, intoxicated...scanning my old journals and reading my past angst...it seems most of the great writings of gemini girl have come out of despair *sigh*... I'm amazed at how the words just poured out when I was worried, frantic, and sexually frustrated.

like billie holiday...lady sings the blues...I guess

when I'm happy and fulfilled and content the words don't flow as much..nothing to complain about..or wonder or ponder.I tend to keep these feelings close to my heart...mostly I'm just busy expressing my love to the ones that make me smile the most.

concentrating on the important..life is good...i'm grateful

"loving you
makes my heart sing a song"