Lady Tee

aka Teena Maria released a new album yesterday.

Congo Square

love for sale...

why wasn't this sold in stores??

I need this album!!! PRONTO!

Bilal must be a gemini..cuz he's truly an artist..hot - cold and - inbetween
alladat
The champ and I saw him Saturday night

n'dambi opened for him HOT..her energy was SICK!!!

Bilal lingered out around 11pm..with algebra as a back up singer SHE"S HOT
he didn't have his regular band and seemed frustrated by it
had to play some of his own songs on the piano cuz homeboy wasn't getting it

he seemed irritated
and high
and algebra seemed worried or concerned about him

pure love on her face for him...
I was wondering the whole time if he felt the love coming from his fans
like a gemini I felt he was anazlying our responses
he seemed reluctant to do an encore but he did

he was BLOWING! I LOVE HIM!

When he did SOMETimes the crowd went crazy~
and Make me over is my new JAM!

and for the record he was checking me out of course!! behind his shades

"make me over, make me over..."

hold on..and wait...

Knowing when to cut your losses or stick it out in a relationship is a tough decision especially if you are just in the beginning stages..and thats the best time to make this decision so it should be easy right??.

It shouldn't take a lot of time (wasted years) figuring out if you are good for one another.


I've been LOVING the champ for a lil over a year now and I consider our relationship still in its early stages. I think because we are constantly trying to get to know each other and please each other..we've taken our time and we've enjoyed every minute of it.


WE are so similar sometimes that it worries me...Can I give him what I want when he wants the same things from me??
If we are both takers how can we give....Sometimes we are both givers and so how do we get want we want??



We analyze..hey we are both geminis born on the same day so thats what we do

- we OVER- ANALYZE. Could we just be?? Ever??


I want the best for him and he wants the best for me and we want to give each other our best.
WE get in the way of ourselves because we try so hard.


WE still have a lot of growing to do individually, together and apart. That makes me excited and sad at the same time.

The question at hand is Do we need time apart?? ... to work on ourselves?? Can't we grow together??

I want to stick it in...push into overdrive and press thru this..we can do it together.

Don't keep me waitin, I'm impatient

Hit my runway, and let's take off and fly

Now I'm where I wanna be, come co-pilot with me

Let's burn up the sky (OOHHH)

It's the climb

last Easter was beautiful..read about it here..


This Easter great also - was spent with family in from North Carolina! WE had a blast but feeding everyone almost broke the bank! add in 2 movies, 2 days of putt putt golf, go karts, bumper boats, church, and tons of laughs I'm broke and exhausted


But it was awesome!

I started the weekend off by going to see Hannah Montana with the lil gees..great movie and this song is basically my WHOLE LIFE's mantra!! - check the lyrics

THE CLIMB!
I can almost see it
That dream Im dreamin, but
Theres a voice inside my head sayin
Youll never reach it

Every step Im taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I, I gotta keep tryin
Gotta keep my head held high
Theres always gonna be another mountain
Im always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle

That sometimes Im gonna have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about whats waitin on the other side
Its the climb

The struggles Im facin
The chances Im takinS
ometimes might knock me down, but
No, Im not breaking
I may not know it

But these are the moments thatI
m gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

Theres always gonna be another mountain
Im always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
That sometimes Im gonna have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what's waitin on the other side
Its the climb
Yeah

Keep on movin
Keep climbin
Keep the faith, baby
Its all about, its all about the climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Whoa, whoa

doobie ashtray....

man..where have I been??

I had this great post about sacrifices and how we sacrifice our time to give to others and how we sacrifice sleep for concerts and our sanity for work but I fell asleep never typed it in my phone and now its all lost!
so all I have is my "happy to date"

this live performance from Solange...the champ and I saw her Thursday night and WOW she's amazing in her own lane and FIYAH!!!



this theme for my bb *heart*









new red frames










this diva

new boots









"That's just so, That's just so, That's just sooooooooooooooo..need a champagne chronic nitecap"

baggage left...finally...

"My foolish heart was broken
when he left us in the cold.
Now I’m left to fix the pieces."

Exactly how I felt 3 years ago when my ex husband left us for 8 weeks and then ultimately for good to be with another woman. We absolutely lost everything without the energy to put up a fight.
Didn't think I would ever get over that. Somehow I did, I had to, had no choice.
I think if there was a build up, if we had a horrible marriage, some kind of warning then I would've been prepared for the inevitable , I thought I had the epitome of a stable marriage til the air was knocked out of my stomach. I kept asking "What did I do??" In the past I
looked down at women that complained about their husbands and had men on the side.
I was in it for the long haul. I made my bed and I was comfy and cozy in it.
Until the day I found out he wanted out and had already spent a year working on another relationship. and to think I was so happy to be married to him , thought I had my whole life figured out. WOW!
I didn't know any better.
Getting back at him was never a goal for me. I was too numb for revenge.

The best revenge is her calling me asking me to help her with him. HUH?? The problems you guys are having I never had with him. I listened anyways. She talked about how controlling and evil he is with her. He was never like that with me. Please don't call again for advice as I have none. Goodbye to you both.

Back then I was in survival mode and that's all I thought about. I kept my friends and family on the outside and all of my pain in the inside. Until recently.
Now a commerical, a tv show, something the kids will say, or this song will bring it all to surface. Right at a time when love has found me again all the pain is seeping out. Purging to make room for something deeper and pure.
I went thru so many years of being quiet that I didn't feel or voice anything about my divorce.
I pushed it to the bottom of my soul. The minute I started to feel again, The minute I started to love again all of my barriers melted away and all the baggage came rushing around.
As I was loving him I was hating the him of my past. I love you in one conversation to I can't talk to you ever again in the next conversation. Emotional rollercoaster all day , every day.
Love and hate. Wore them on my sleeve everyday. How exhausted I was.

A few months ago I finally said "is it me, something I've done that makes you treat me this way" and he simply said "no , you've done nothing" and with that I was able to let it all go. Just like that. It wasn't me at all. I forgave him. I forgive myself. Enough is Enough. I'm done.
I wasted so much energy these past few years that I will never get back but I'm enjoying the new years I'm making with a light heart and less pain.
I'm sure every now and then something else will take me back down memory lane and all I have to do is look to my side or look in front of me and see all the love I have all around me.

"I won’t let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain."

doctor, doctor...

see?
Thats exactly why folks don't be like going to the doctor on the regular.
They always be finding shit!

I push my fam, friends and coworkers to go
get check ups, be proactive!
but its been a year since I've taken my own advice

I'd had warning signs for month
tight jeans, headaches, racing heart
and always TIRED..so doggon TIRED all the time

So I knew I needed to go

SO First I call my female doc you know my gyn
I was a new patient cuz of new insurance
so they wanted to check everything!
mammogram - check...
annual inspection of the love below - check BUT
they want to retest some shit
SHEESH!
Then
Internal Med Doc
they checked urine, heart, blood pressure
My blood pressure was borderline hypertension
and I'd gained 15lbs!!!
Then we talked about my family history
DAMNIT if every member of my family had something!!

diabetes, stroke, breast cancer, tumors YOU NAME IT

SHEESH!
I didn't even tell them about my alcoholic uncle
that would've been TOO MURCH!
SO after all that they order
glucose tests, stress tests
SHEESH!
Then
Eye doctor..need contacts and glasses
Then the dentist
3 filings DAMN!

So I've been ordered to stop caffeine, exercise, watch salt intake and stop stressing!

I still have a few more followups over the next few weeks
In the end I will have peace of mind (or I will be worrying more)
but at least I will know what is going on and have a plan of action
I want to LIVE!
I gotta be healthy to work, provide for my fam and love!

How are you in the health dept? Are you taking care of your body?
How do you overcome your fear of the doctor??

My aunt hasn't been in 5 years she's 58 saying "You are okay til you see a doctor"

I be damn if she ain't right!

Doctor, doctor, what's going on?
Can you tell me what's going on?

catch and release...{repost from pchats}

Hard to put into words the way he makes Ms. Kitty purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.



We were just chillin I think, surfin' the tube
when he reached for our secret drawer
..looking for the lube.
"Wait...we don't need any" - I see his mind thinking.
"I want you to make me wet" I whisper (my way of hinting)
he starts
Spreading my legs and cupping my thighs,
ready for action my clit doubles in size,
with long licks and short flicks
he eats me like its his last supper or
one of those blow pop suckers.
and I'm thinking
"how did I score this one" and
"where did he come from"??
He's the Champ, and the G.O.A.T still hitting pussy homeruns.
with me
and
My legs are pressed against his ears
I'm clinching my fists, close to tears
his face has completely disappeared
into me
and
all over me,
and with me
and thru me
and I feel my juices tricklin' down my ass,
Its so slippery, and I'm moving so fast.
beggin him
just fuck me put me out of my misery,
clearly
I can't take it
I'm lost at sea
he's not giving in...
"let me finish" geegee.
okay
so I lose my breath
as I feel it building up
and this time I can't stop,
it slowly erupts
I know it will be a strong
still shocked
at how intense
So shocked I start laughing
and crying,
does that even make sense??

knocked up

Dear Diary, Feelin' like a 16 year old. Black skinny little girl that got pregnant after having sex one time with the nastiest boy in class. Feelin' like I will always be 8 months this way sitting at home while everyone else goes to the prom. Feelin' like I'll always wear "hand-me-downs" while everyone rocks the Jordache jeans. Baby daddy has no respect for me, my time, my hopes, my dreams. He lives his life as he pleases clubs, late night weedin. Feelin' alone in this world, yet not free to be away from all my misery. Feelin' trapped in a body that rejects everybody. I make everyone around me cry. I make them all feel guilty. I make them all wish I would die.


"We just sittin' here tryin to win, try not to sin
high off weed and
lots of gin"

new new..things to do...

For my 100th post (on this blog)...I wanted to post 100 things we should do this year!



1) Write a letter to the President (congratulations, thanks, anything encouraging)



"Loving Everything You Do

Cuz You Do It Well"

2) Write your mom a letter
3) women get an annual complete with pap smear and mammogram (done 1/26/08)
4) kiss a baby
5) gentlemen have your prostate checked
6) kiss a pet
7) give lover lap dance
8) babysit (if you don't have kids it will make or break you)
9) do the robot at a house party
10) really leave toxic friends behind
11) sing out loud to your lover
12) knit something (its so relaxing)
13) go to a concert
14) travel to the islands
15) make a scrapbook (DONE)
16) plant a tree
17) become an organ donor (DONE)
18) drive coast to coast
19) buy a sex toy (DONE)
20) write kids a letter tell them how proud you are of them
21) make love in the rain
22)see a foreign film (subtitles a must)
23)Visit the white house
24) shake hands with a celebrity
25) go camping
26) be an extra in a movie
27) throw a huge party (i've never had a party thrown for me...PHOOEY!)
28) go see a taping of a show , or be on a show (I was on Oprah!)
29) sit on a jury (done that..couldn't escape it living in DC)
30) fall in love and stay in love!

okay I can't think of anymore, already bored with this lil project LMAO!!!

add yours in the comments....can we make it to 100???




"Will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed (98 3/4% guaranteed)." - Dr. Seuss

not til this minute...

did I wish I was home in DC...maybe I could just blink and plop myself in the middle of pennsylvania avenue for like 15 minutes...that's all I need just 15mins...

"naw i'm straight" - b. obama

gee book of rhymes...

As promised I'm posting a few pages from my inspiration journal....

Next journal prompt:

Name the things you LOVE...what brings you joy??

How do you give LOVE/ BRING JOY to others??

"Man I found

these shits up in the crib

man in boxes man

I don't even remember

when I was writing these shits

or what's in these shits man

probably a bunch of bullshit man

Fuck it check it"

- nas

save me...save me....

he needed me
mentally
physically
by his side
immediately
but it couldn't be
you see
I'm not free
emotionally
I'm practically
a brand new gee
after months gone
silence we fell upon
no contact
'cept sporadically
thoughts of
a new kind of being
actually
what about friends?
new dialogue
new understanding
accept reality
his reasons for not
poetically
hearts falling
not even
accidently
even a postcard
needed
love in his world
failing
violently
undead
wanting ressurecting
while I, living my life
separately
contemplated his need
...and mine
amazed
at my loyalty
if reverse
my world failing?
to my heart's
content
he'd be there
that's loyalty

Journal to shine...

So I finally bought my journal for 2009 (pages will be shared)....I start it off as always with words of how I brought the new year in (this year in tears again)...and then its normal day to day fodder of what I'm doing, what I did, what I'm grateful for and what I want.

This year I want to write about what inspires me, how can I be an inspiration, how can I become a better me for all those around me and for all those lives I touch. I want it to reach beyond my immediate friends and family and coworkers.

I want that passion and determination in my eyes that I had 10 years ago, that I had again 5 years ago. Somewhere it got lost...dreams fulfilled and dreams deferred.

I want more sources of motivation, creativity, happiness, rejuvenation, more reasons to live. For the past 2 years I've coasted...survived (sometimes just barely) I'm tired of coasting...doing enough just to get by...I want more!

I'm starting with this journal...from these pages to real life.

Journal Prompt # 1
What do you want people to say about you when you are not listening??
What are you doing to always leave positive vibes behind you??


"I'm just like you
I gotta fight to stay strong"

lost...

people come in and out of your life so often
doesn't make sense til they are gone
or back again
a maze of unknowns and why comes
making you feel
as if you were misunderstood,
under educated,
selfish and not deserving
no inspiration,
no desire,
desperate to find a solution
to life's big question



what next?

"i used to be so well rounded"

meme gg...

I think this is my first one....why not...sick at home for 2 days...nothing else better to do.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Damn, I look as sick as I feel

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$82.00

3. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Alecat

4. What tshirt are you wearing? Amerykah (came with the cd)

5. Do you label yourself?Not usually.

6. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? barefoot all day baby

7. Bright or Dark Room? candle lit

8. What does your watch look like? I don't own one.

9. What were you doing at midnight last night?Taking meds.

10. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"What made you ask that"

11. Where is your nearest 7-11? haven't found one in Atlanta

12. What's a word that you say a lot? I LOVE YOU

13. Who told you he/she loved you last? Sean

14. Last furry thing you touched? my slippers.

15. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? sudafed, nyquil, robitussin, antibiotics, cough suppresants

16. How many rolls of film do you need developed? NONE..but I do need batteries for my digicam

17. Favorite age you have been so far? 21.

18. The last song you listened to?"Young Jeezy - Crazy World

19. What time of day were you born?8 AM or so.

20. What’s your favorite number? 16.

21. Where did you live in 1987? Frostburg, MD.

22. Are you jealous of anyone? admittedly yes.

23. Is anyone jealous of you? I wonder

24. Where were you when 9/11 happened? In Marietta in my loft working

25. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Curse, punch the vending machine, try to flip it over, curse again, repeat til I get my damn candy!

26. Do you consider yourself kind? YES

27. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes.

28. Are you touchy feely? YES.

29. What’s your life motto? You can't control everything.

30. Have you been burned by love?Absolutely.