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Friday, August 17, 2007

Mr. Education, G-Rated

me: Hey Babes...
Mr. Education: Hey, it's my favorite student! What's crackin', darlin'?
me: I need to talk to you...I was gonna quit blogging

Mr. Ed: Yeah, I noticed. Feels like when Michael Jordan retired, 'cept he didn't come back quite so swiftly.
me: I know I was gone for like what 2 days lol
I want to change my direction..any suggestions??

Mr. Ed: Uh, what's your passion, besides me? Truth of the matter is, everything revolves around pu**y. We go to work so we can get pu**y--or so that your pu**y is more desirable than the next gals. We try to hold numerous degrees and drive nice cars and live in attractive domiciles for the same reasons. We even kill and steal because of it. Even the 9-11 terrorist thought they were gonna get pu**y from 12 virgins for doing what they did. So, whatever you blog about, it all comes back to pussy, right?
me: *sigh* did I mention my direction was gee-rated? remember??

Mr. Ed: "G" for "G-spot"?
me: no, not even close
Mr. Ed: Oh. Then scratch everything I just said.

me: you are hilarious..now stop it..help me!!!!
Mr. Ed: They say humor is the fastest way to the drawers.

me: not mine...no I want to talk about relationships still..my experiences I guess but I want
it to be about other things..not so racy a lil bit sensual, diff topics.
Mr. Ed: More sensual than getting a woman wet... and inspiring her to beg you. It don't get much more sensual than that, babe.
me: no cuss words
Mr. Ed: That's cool. I never cuss anyway. There's always a better, more intelligent way to say what needs saying.

me: thank you
me: and no f words
Mr. Ed: Fat? Forensics? Florentine? Follicles? Finger Puppets? Fiona? Fallujah? Fellate?
me: and stop all the p words..eliminate vagina (and all nicknames for it)

Mr. Ed: Your blog is gonna be pretty darn boring now. Not even a "Beaver" or a "Muff" every now and then?
me: no NONADAT! no vulgarity
Mr. Ed: So, for real, why the sudden change of heart? Sounds familiar.
me: I dunno... trying to figure out why and what to do..that's why I called.
Mr. Ed: I feel you. Ooops. That's an "F" word.

me: So any ideas?
Mr. Ed: No. Not one. I'm tapped. If it ain't about sex or pu**y...
me: come on..can't we talk about other stuff??

Mr. Ed: Well, that only leaves money.
me: come on, I need help

Mr. Ed: And I need money!

me: I want to find a new relationship in my life...

Mr. Ed: You mean of your own?

me: could be with a man or a woman

Mr. Ed: Aww, sooky-sooky. Now you talkin'!
me: no, not like that, a woman friend or male companion..hang, shop, movies..travel..I always travel alone...all my friends here are staff members and my close friends are all back at home

mr. Ed: So, what you got against staff members? I've told the folks where I work that they can exclude me from any invites to happy hour, etc., after work. Why would I want to spend my free time with them. I make them laugh enough during normal business hours. If I was around these white people when they got drunk I'd proly end up breaking one of their jaws...or fucking one of them in the men's room. I mean, uh, "pokin'"!
me: I work with all women..gets boring
Mr. Ed: Damn! Is that considered cursing?
me: YES!
I want some local connections, hook ups, road dogs!

Mr. Ed: Then you just gotta make yourself available. I've found the best place to meet people is at schools (PTA, community gatherings, lectures, etc.), Porn shops (you'd be surprised at how many women shop there), local business associations...Is there a "Women in Business" type of gathering in your town? Or you could hang out in hotel lobbies and restaurants. The wait staff is usually pretty convivial, and there's always some lonely traveler up for company at dinner.
me: I'll take those into consideration..sans the porn shops

Mr. Ed: Suit yourself. I've met some of the most interesting women in the back rooms of porn shops. If you define "interesting" as being down for whatever.

me: maybe I should try speed dating

Mr. Ed: You mean where you get the drawers as fast as possible and get the hell out (or kick her the hell out) before the significant other comes home?
me: no silly, a quick meet and greet..it saves time.. you meet a lot of folks like every 2 minutes or something..its speeds things up

Mr. Ed:
Oh, well then I'm at a loss. Not to rub your pretty little pug nose in it, but I've never had a problem hookin' up. All through my adult life women have come on to me, and I'm naturally inquisitive, so I'll strike up a conversation with just about anybody, male or female. I speak to everybody who sits next to me on the subway, usually taking them by surprise. I've made some cool acquaintances that way.

me: when I lived in DC I was the same way..but where I live and work now is so far away from all the good STUFF TO DO
back to speed dating..should I find a place here??

Mr. Ed: Seems contrived and corny, forced to me. But that's just from what I've seen in movies.

me: it would be all men

Mr. Ed: Not nece-celery.

me: why do you think men are my focus?

Mr. Ed: Don't know. Maybe it's 'cause you're a woman?!

me: I want a radio show

Mr. Ed: Yeah, you and Don Imus, too.

me: ha! could I interview you???

Mr. Ed: No. No way. You'd proly say I have a face made for radio and I'd have to kick your ass on-air.

me: HA!!!
you know i'm working from home now

mr. Ed: And?

me: in my pjs

Mr. Ed: PJs, or some white lacey Victoria's Secret boy shorts with a matching semi-sheer, nipple-revealing camisole?

me: gee rated remember?...good bye!

8 comments:

Organized Noise said...

I also define "interesting" as down for whatever. ;-P

Anyway, I hope you find your focus soon.

B. Good said...

That was like reading my thoughts, lol. I been in NY 2 years, and I still don't have a network of "folks". And I have no clue how to find 'em.

*sigh*

If/when you figure it out, let me know, eh?

Mahogany Brown said...

Mr. Ed is crazy lol. That man knows a lot of F words lol. Maybe you could try meetup.com. Someone suggested it to me and although I haven't actually gone to a meeting yet, it seems like good deal lol. And you know I'm all for the speed dating thing...

Paula D. said...

That was funny back & forth. I love the new layout!

afro jamaicano said...

haha nice post!

anonymousnupe said...

Mr. E always brings it honest, gotta give him that.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

hey guys welcome to the new spot...
i'm still looking too B....
curvy..I've done meetup for work groups but never for anything personal
hey Paula!!!
Welcome AfroJ
Anon what's up my friend?

anonymousnupe said...

Nuudn'.