Saturday, April 10, 2010

down for an upgrade...

i've been a very very very sad girl...

downgraded someone in my life thinking
it would upgrade him if I wasn't in his life anymore
you know...
if you weren't with me
you'd be so much more persistant at this,
you'd be motivated to take care of that,
you'd be inspired to do something, anything, whatever, whenever

now i'm sad (and mad)
how could he let me go so easily...
told me i was right
damn he didn't even fight! (for me, for us)
why didn't he beg me to stay in his life
isn't this a muthafuckn trip...
i'm mad because he let me go, after I let him go

wow, gemini's will always make it about them won't they

what were all the reasons we broke up again anyways?
I had to make a list, i'm checking it now
reminding myself again, the numbers aren't adding up
did they outweigh the good..sometimes
absolutley, when I write them all out they do!
and sometimes they don't when I edit and add and subtract
sometimes they seem so valid, ironically
and reasonable, the reasons why
most times they look like excuses, or just a girl pmsing,
like a monthly thing
i can look in the mirror and see him in me
and then i don't have to wonder
why we are apart..we are so much alike
but worlds apart..a perfect fit pulled apart

then i say well that proves my point
it wasn't meant to be
so I go back to my list, the cards, the letters
and the memories and then i see
we want the same thing and either of us
have given those things to each other
not consistently at least
i've analyzed this 10 ways to sunday
and still can't figure out why i'm
how could he NOT fight for me?

when we said this was how it was gonna be
me and he

1 comment:

Mizrepresent said...

Oh girl, i don't like what i'm hearing, really i don't. I know you were sad on TWITTER, but i just don't know what i'm hearing and once again, not to sound like a broken record, i don't like it. All i can say is, that sometimes a break is needed for 2 folk to really see just how important, or not important they are to one another. I remember writing a story and in the story i said the same thing "I just wanted him to fight for me...not give up so easily, be like the dayum movies, run after a train, chase down my cab, bite your dayum hand"...just don't walk away. hugz sis, ain't it something you back to blogging...you once said that you wrote the most realest stuff when you were in pain...somebodys hurting, because this was the realest shit!