Empty...

Fasting
cleanse me
of past
residue
film of
angst
Feeling
release me
with song
resonate
deep within
heartache

gee you bedda work it out....

Well dang..everybody is on the health kick!! I'm so happy to see all my friends eating better and working out...we need to take care of ourselves it so important for our minds and spirits. I'm jumping on that bandwagon too cuz shit I don't want to be left behind..and be the only fatty in the crowd!

I won't say I've never been on it but its been a minute..for me it started in college..I was the tall skinny girl (all my life) and never worried about working out or what I ate til I signed up for cheerleading. Our coach was a FITNESS FREAK! she made us count every single calorie we consumed and we had to take a body and muscle class and we all gained so much from her because I still remember all that stuff.

It was hard but I stayed a size 4 til my wedding day in 1997. My cinderella gown fit perfectly... I looked beautiful on my horse and carriage with my glass slippers...and...
okay i'm getting off topic.

back to working out...
so I was a size 4, got married then started reproducing and my tummy and my boobs started to spread..now I don't mind my 38C cup but the tummy has GOT to go...so in 2004 I joined a gym and got back into it..then like a dummy got pregnant again!!!

then I lost it again, then fell in love and gained it all back and now today I'm looking 6 months pregnant ...NO JOKE! I can now SQUEEZE into a size 8 jean and thats what I want but I want to be a slim and trim size 8 not a "My muffin top runneth over jeans size 8"
(don't laugh)
So like everybody else I'm starting to take action against the FAT!
I joined my local YMCA, its so freaking expensive that we only do it in the summers just for the camps and the pools but this time I actually signed up for a coach and ERRRRRRYTHANG!!!! I took one step/kick class and it KICKED my ass!!!

I meet up with my coach this weekend to go over my goals. He/She will weigh me, discuess my goals and map a plan so I can meet my target?? I'm not sure this will be my first time doing something like this.
I will have to do weight training, cycling, etc..and its all being tracked electronically and the results go to the coach so each week they can see if you cheated or not and if you are making progress.

In the meantime I'm taking a Pilates class today and a Body Pump class tomorrow and we kick off BOOT CAMP on Saturday!

GO ME, the NEW FIT GEE!!!!

Work It Out

Beyonce | MySpace Music Videos

she's just a friend...

damn how many times have we heard this over and over again..thanks to the Nobody beats the Biz! M-a-r-K-I-E!!

I don't get the guys that ONLY have female friends..and thats it...I have a problem with that..

and I admit it..if I'm wrong say I'm wrong..

All and let me repeat..ALL the men in my life have been romantically involved with me at some point in time or want to be...there never was any middle ground..so based on my experience if you are hanging with a dude you've been with him before or you want to and vice versa if you are a dude that has only female friends you have been with at least one of them and you'd like to get closer to the other.

This doesn't apply to those dudes that have equal amounts of male and female friends that they hang out with on the regular...i'm not talking about you..

I'm talking about the dudes that ONLY have female friends..and when they have girlfriends this becomes a problem..

why you say...

because...you will have a convo like this

Boyfriend: hey baby I'm going to hang with Lisa
Girlfriend: Just Lisa? Just you 2 out at a bar drinking??
BF: Yes..you know we are just friends
GF: hmmm no I do not know that....

She's thinking either they fucked and it didn't work out or go to the next level or somewhere down the road they will eventually fuck..Or they kissed and it got awkward so they never pursued for "fear of ruining a good friendship" BULLSHIT
as somepoint in time you guys were intimate...or will be.

and then you will have a convo like this after you guys eventually break up over your need to hang with said female friends

Him: I'm hanging at bar XYZ with Lisa tonight since I really couldn't hang with her while we were dating..I neglected our friendship
Her: Just you and Lisa
Him: Yeah you don't like bars anyways
Her: You are joking right??
Him: No

BULLSHIT!

Call me crazy but every guy I've gone out with wants sex at some point if we haven't already gone down that road..and If we fucked before 10 times out of 10 he will want to do it again...he will pretend to be friendly in the beginning but best believe he's thinking about it..the chick also!

So if I'm dating someone tall, dark and handsome and he constantly wants to hang with his female BFFs I gotta a problem..whats the motive here??
Because these are most likely single women looking for a man so I'm thinking is he with her to discretly scope out more girls while she's checking for dudes or what??

Like I'm mad you don't have any male friends to balance all this shit out..granted they may get you into more trouble but you still need that male bonding as well.

And what about those relationships that end on a good note..you guys go your separate ways but say "baby I love you lets be friends".and so you start out that way but in the back of your mind you are thinking "if i really want to have sex with him/her again , we can make it happen"

so there comes the time when he gets a NEW girlfriend...
then the old girlfriend (now the female BFF) says..
Her: hey lets' go get a drink at a bar, I miss you, we were so great together
him: let me check with my NEW girlfriend
her: just tell her we are JUST friends
him: she won't go for that but whatever
her: cool I will see you soon, then one things leads to another

you follow this bullshit circle???

in labor....

not that kind of labor..this here shop is CLOSED!!

I'm talking Department of Labor..YEP I'm now considered one of the 66,000+ registered at the DOL as unemployed and claiming benefits. I was in shock as I received my glossy grey packet (not blue like UP in the AIR) but same information.

It threw me for a loop when I first got the news that my job no longer needed me after completing a successful (well not so successful we found out later my boss lost 2 million dollars) project I had a few thoughts running thru my head like when you first take a pregnancy test...you have mixed emotions...

I was sad cuz well I was losing my health insurance if I didn't pay the $919 cobra fees..then happy cuz they reduced it to $321 since I was a single mom or some other requirements I met...but then sad again cuz I couldn't even afford that!

Then I was elated cuz well YEAH I get to stay home, stay in my PJS, watch my soaps, sleep in..then I got depressed real quick cuz I still had to get up at 6 and sit in the carpool lane and look for jobs and sell myself and MAKE SOME MONEY and PAY THE SAME BILLS - basically I had to GRIND MORE NOW! at least at work I got nice lunch breaks!

After a few weeks of depression I felt optimistic again...maybe I could open another store...follow my PASSION! YES the skys the limit..then pessimistic cuz well "where am I gonna get that kind of money to do alladat AGAIN" I still owe people from my LAST shop!

Then I felt YOUNG again..hey I could go back to school then get a pay raise when I DO go back to work...then I felt OLD AS HELL as I will probably be older than all the students in the class and the students? well I could be all of their mommas!!!

So you see I was an emotional wreck... till I had my first official WORKSHOP last week and its not just young black women getting laid off which was my first thought..its old white men, young white men, its all of us..we are all riding this boat together...and they actually gave me some tips on tweaking my resume

it hasn't been all bad..catching up on sleep, getting all my doctors appointments done feeling healthy and energetic, creating and being crafty again, even sending handmade cards to some of my dearest friends, googling some of my not so dear friends seeing what the are up to...organizing my home office (COFFICE as tiffany calls it)
My house is now in order and I'm ready to deliver...but

its only been 2 months
SHIT I'm in my first trimester,
no more morning sickness but I gotta lot of work to do!

somebody HOLD MY HAND!

gone baby, don't be long...

So e badu caught a case over the window seat video (actually I think she was fined for $500 and almost got arrested) Didn't she say she wanted to get arrested??

I've watched it maybe 3 times I know its deeper than what I interpreted it to be but why is everyone going apeshit over it? really???

Its not worse than what they do while filming real world, jerseylicious, jersey shore and XY and Z (enter any reality tv show here)
All the women on those shows show their titties (yeah I said TITTIES) and them boys show there asses!
and what about all the boobs for beads at mardigras did they get fined or arrested? I don't get it
Damn if I were a boy!

I was up this am at 4am listening and reading all the lyrics, Krush bought me the album he's always so up on the music way before I am
the words are so deep and real and I can relate them to my life down to a tee!

"Get Munny" is my current fav but "Can't turn me away, I believe in your heart, I'll always want to stay......

well let me get to sleep it is now 6 something...must do church in a few hours...

down for an upgrade...

i've been a very very very sad girl...

downgraded someone in my life thinking
it would upgrade him if I wasn't in his life anymore
you know...
if you weren't with me
you'd be so much more persistant at this,
you'd be motivated to take care of that,
you'd be inspired to do something, anything, whatever, whenever

now i'm sad (and mad)
how could he let me go so easily...
told me i was right
damn he didn't even fight! (for me, for us)
why didn't he beg me to stay in his life
isn't this a muthafuckn trip...
i'm mad because he let me go, after I let him go

wow, gemini's will always make it about them won't they

what were all the reasons we broke up again anyways?
I had to make a list, i'm checking it now
reminding myself again, the numbers aren't adding up
did they outweigh the good..sometimes
absolutley, when I write them all out they do!
and sometimes they don't when I edit and add and subtract
sometimes they seem so valid, ironically
and reasonable, the reasons why
most times they look like excuses, or just a girl pmsing,
like a monthly thing
i can look in the mirror and see him in me
and then i don't have to wonder
why we are apart..we are so much alike
but worlds apart..a perfect fit pulled apart

then i say well that proves my point
it wasn't meant to be
so I go back to my list, the cards, the letters
and the memories and then i see
we want the same thing and either of us
have given those things to each other
not consistently at least
shit
i've analyzed this 10 ways to sunday
and still can't figure out why i'm
mad
#comeonson
how could he NOT fight for me?

when we said this was how it was gonna be
me and he