Wednesday, September 12, 2007

who can be?

Who likes to have their ego stroked more .. men or women???
And what is ego-stroking anyways .... just flattery??

I used to think Men wanted it more but now I'm leaning towards Women...
Sure men wouldn't mind hearing sometimes how good they smell, how handsome they are, how smart they look in their suits, how proud we are of them in their careers,
how they "keep the meanest, cleanest, baddest, spinnin on stainless wheels" and that size really doesn't matter and that they are the PERFECT fit, oh and for Mrs. 1969..that they are tall enough too! LOL!

Women like alladat too but we wanna hear it all the time and from everybody: our
bosses, co workers, girlfriends, boyfriends, strangers and neighbors.

I admit I'm a certified ego-stroker NOW...and I wonder if men generally gravitate towards me because of that. I have more male friends than female and I wonder if its because I cater to men and their needs and I love to tell the men around me just how much I appreciate them and how much I'm pleased by them, want to please them and how much I enjoy their company. Sort of like that jezebel in the closet always saying the right things in the right way.
I haven't always been this way..it was certainly developed over time.
and It certainly hasn't always been reciprocated.

But what if the ego-stroking is phony?
I've been guilty of telling my ex-husband he was great in bed but he wasn't but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I stroked his ego.
I've been with men that weren't that {ahem} well endowed but I told them they were the perfect fit.

How much is enough?? and what is too much? when can it be negative...
I guess when you don't feel compelled to do it at all or when you are doing it for gain.

Because Ego-strokin doesn't just take place in the bedroom and with men and
women in relationships. It also spills over into the workplace.

I used to have only women on my staff that needed to know from me
that I appreciated and valued their work.
I had to develop ego finesse because they wanted to know
they were amazing and needed daily re-assurances
that they were creative enough to get the job done.
So constantly I had to stroke their egos in order to get the results I desired
most times it was effective and everybody was productive
but most times it was not warranted ... it was phony to get what I needed.

so who needs it more? women?
and do they do the most strokin'? I think so

and WHen does ego-strokin go too far?
Is it okay to fake it just to make the other person feel good?
cuz this type of ish happens everyday...


B. Good said...

I don't know who needs it more, but I think that ego-strokin the ladies has a LOT of catchin up to do when compared with the ego-strokin of men. Meaning, at present, women need their ego's stroked more because we ain't been gettin it. More emphasis is placed on the male ego, but women need assurances too.

1969 said...

It definitely goes both ways.

As far as women, I don't see it as ego-stroking. I think women need constant reassurance that we are making the right decisions, making everyone happy.

For men, I think their ego's actually need to be fed. Men need to hear not that they made the right decision....they need to hear that they are the best EVER! LOL

Organized Noise said...

Get out of my head. I was going to post on a similar topic on Friday.

Mahogany Brown said...

I think ego stroking is synonymous with reassurance and encouragement.

Thic asked me last week if I was the nurturing type of girlfriend or the best friend type. I answered nurturing without hesitation. I enjoy giving out pats on the head while saying "Well done babe". I can be a mans biggest cheerleader and even his coach sometimes. It's just what I do.

When I do it for women, it mostly comes when I know they need it. It's rarely ever unwarranted like with men, but I can't say that I do it more for them than for men. I guess in terms of who needs more it, I'd say women because like 1969 said, we like to be reassured and know we are headed in the right direction/are doing the right thing.

As for the question when is it harmful? When it encourages folks to go down or continue on the wrong path when they have the ability to change course. And I'd also argue that its harmful when you suffer directly at the expense of it. I'd tell my husband he sucked in bed knowing it would hurt his feelings. Of course I wouldn't say it that way, but not saying anything at all means that the lines of communication aren't as clear as they should be because no matter how hard a topic is to broach, we should be able to discuss it. Now I'd never tell him his penis wasn't big enough because he can't do anything about that lol.

Pro said...

I'm not big on having my ego stroked, unless, mine is shaped like: my scalp, my breast, my X, my neck, my back. A favorite phrase of mine, "You can make your mouth say anything." Plus, I got super-discernment powers. I know when the shyt is sincere. But, when you stroking "otha" stuff, I know when that shyt is sincere. I might not get moist if it ain't.

*Inside joke*

Liven this joint up for a "hot" second.

I want my NON-G-rated-GG,

ChezNiki said...

So right, Im all for honesty with discretion. So your man is little, but he eats you like some beans and rice and leaves you cross-eyed and happy.
No need to mention the teeny-weeny (believe me, he knows its too small) but you pump up the oral skills and make him feel tall. Accentuate the positive.

Now at work, I believe in everything short of outright fabrication to get the job done and keep the peace. Work is hard enough without MFers walking around with their feelings hurt and pissed off. All is fair in love war and the workplace. Get Er Done, then get the h*ll out and start the commute home.

But to answer the question: Men need it more than women. So much of what we women do is under -appreciated, if we needed complements to function, we'd never get anything done!

Aunt Jackie said...

I think Ego stroking goes too far when it's a lie, when it's manipulative, or when the males ego that's being stroked has no inclination to give back....

In other words don't be so focused on making someone else feel good that they don't feel like they have to satisfy you. Men can be greedy bastards.

That being said everyone has an ego and enjoys the pleasure of an occasional stroke!