Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Peeling the Bandaid...

I'm finding that letting go is actually a science and takes months, sometimes years of practice (and patience).

You can either do it quickly without ever looking back like I did successfully when my marriage ended a few years ago or you can do it slowly and painfully like a rollercoaster ride going thru ups and downs, jerks and turns, highs and lows until finally the bandaid just falls off unexpectedly because of the dirt, pain, sweat and tears. Suddenly it just lifts off and you realize you've finally let go.

Breathe. Its sad but it will be okay but you first have to go through a series of feelings and emotions before you can appreciate the experience.

Stage 1: First you feel like WHEW! I've made a decision! Its been a long time coming. I must put an end to this!! You feel a since of relief like a weight has been lifted. You feel like your life will be 10x better once this chapter in your book is closed. You are better off!! You will now grow and make some moves and be great!!

Stage 2: After a few weeks after the connection has been broken you start to miss the very thing you tried to separate yourself from. You try filling the void with everything you know how. Nothing seems to work!
You start to second guess your decision thinking you've made a mistake.
You may even revisit those feelings again and try to ignite them again. You go back and forth "should I", "Maybe not"? The situation quickly turns STICKY! Just like a bandaid, you take it off to see if its healed, then you put it back on to see if its gone away, then you pick at it seeing if you feel anything, then you close it back up.

Stage 3: It starts to hurt. You may even cry over your lost. The medicine has worn off. You keep trying to remind yourself the reasons you wanted to move on in the first place. Aren't you happier now?? This is the most crucial stage. You have to fight through this. This is the crucial time when infection may occur like guilt and resentment because you couldn't make it last.

Stage 4: You start to look for a temporary fix. You can't stand the pain anymore so you go back into the fire. It could give you that false sense of security that everything is gonna be alright. It could even be magical. But in reality it may just be a long drawn out goodbye kiss. Is it worth it??

Stage 5: The time and space in which you connect (kiss goodbye) get farther apart and more infrequent. And time away is the only thing that lifts the bandaid. You have to actually leave it alone. Do not revisit it, do not scratch it and then finally it pulls away and you realized you've finally moved on and let go.

You still may have a scar but thats just a reminder of what once was. Smile when you see it....no tears.


Moanerplicity said...

This was very true! I find that some things in life, especially when they have the power to hold us back or keep us from reaching out fullest potential, can take a very, VERY, vurrrr long time to UNLEARN.


Gemini Girl aka GG said...

Thanks M, I'm wondering if its harder letting go of the "thing" or the "habit" of the thing.