I'm finding that letting go is actually a science and takes months, sometimes years of practice (and patience).
You can either do it quickly without ever looking back like I did successfully when my marriage ended a few years ago or you can do it slowly and painfully like a rollercoaster ride going thru ups and downs, jerks and turns, highs and lows until finally the bandaid just falls off unexpectedly because of the dirt, pain, sweat and tears. Suddenly it just lifts off and you realize you've finally let go.
Breathe. Its sad but it will be okay but you first have to go through a series of feelings and emotions before you can appreciate the experience.
Stage 1: First you feel like WHEW! I've made a decision! Its been a long time coming. I must put an end to this!! You feel a since of relief like a weight has been lifted. You feel like your life will be 10x better once this chapter in your book is closed. You are better off!! You will now grow and make some moves and be great!!
Stage 2: After a few weeks after the connection has been broken you start to miss the very thing you tried to separate yourself from. You try filling the void with everything you know how. Nothing seems to work!
You start to second guess your decision thinking you've made a mistake.
You may even revisit those feelings again and try to ignite them again. You go back and forth "should I", "Maybe not"? The situation quickly turns STICKY! Just like a bandaid, you take it off to see if its healed, then you put it back on to see if its gone away, then you pick at it seeing if you feel anything, then you close it back up.
Stage 3: It starts to hurt. You may even cry over your lost. The medicine has worn off. You keep trying to remind yourself the reasons you wanted to move on in the first place. Aren't you happier now?? This is the most crucial stage. You have to fight through this. This is the crucial time when infection may occur like guilt and resentment because you couldn't make it last.
Stage 4: You start to look for a temporary fix. You can't stand the pain anymore so you go back into the fire. It could give you that false sense of security that everything is gonna be alright. It could even be magical. But in reality it may just be a long drawn out goodbye kiss. Is it worth it??
Stage 5: The time and space in which you connect (kiss goodbye) get farther apart and more infrequent. And time away is the only thing that lifts the bandaid. You have to actually leave it alone. Do not revisit it, do not scratch it and then finally it pulls away and you realized you've finally moved on and let go.
You still may have a scar but thats just a reminder of what once was. Smile when you see it....no tears.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Peeling the Bandaid...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
get me bodied....
Week 4 of full court press in the gym...and I'm in a groove!
I'm really seeing a difference..mainly in my arms and legs..I need to get more concentrated on my mid section!
I've been doing 5 days a week so far and its hard on my injured knee but I can feel it getting stronger and not as fatigued as it used to get..
so my schedule has been :
1 day with coach on the circuit weights
1 day cardio kickboxing
1 day of zumba (dance)
1 day weights and step interval
1 day of Power Pump (weights with bar, ball, and other props I'm so uncoordinated with)
Of course I mix this up, can't do the same thing everyday!
So far this works out for me and what I'm trying to do.
My goal is not to get thin but to get toned and lean and lose my TUMMY!
The thing is the more I work out the more I want to eat and YOU can not eat everything in sight just because you are working out! Its tempting but DON't do it!!!
I've tried to eliminate rice and other white enemies but its soooooooooooo hard.
Also my HAIR is becoming a problem...washing it almost everyday its getting old. and because I wash it everyday I gotta color it more...the grays have taken over.
I'm trying to not let this discourage me but it is a pain in my ASS.
I hope I can keep all this up once I find a job. Or maybe I'll just become a permanent stay at home mom that watches the soaps and hits the gym religiously!!
nah..can't afford to and I'd go stir crazy!!!
In the meantime (and between time) I'm handing in there, watching what I eat and taking tons of before and after photos but most of them are half naked so I can't post here..
but here's one of me taken last week
check those arms yo! no underarm FLAB baby!!
"there goes my babyyyyyy...."
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Difficult Men...Don't make it easy for them!!
All weekend I've been reading this book I got from the library for 25cents!
Check it!
Dealing with Difficult Men by Judith Segal, Ph.D.
I thought it would be cheesy and bought it more for the shits and giggles of it all (and the price) because I really don't have difficult men in my life except if you count my ex husband. :/
Its not the typical "hate on men" type of book - its more, how to deal with difficult men "effectively and in doing so allow yourself to appreciate and really enjoy the 'good' ones".
Neat huh??
"Dealing with stressed, confused, manipulative, and in some cases, seemingly unconscious men takes skill, knowledge , experience and resilience."
The author first describes the Difficult men categories.
She says " difficult men seem to have 3 characteristics in common"
1) They either hide opinions, feelings, or they push them on you in a not so clear, direct, open or honest way;
2) They either totally withhold their feelings, totally unaware that they have feelings or they blast their feelings in an out of control way - 'emotional Neanderthals' she calls them;
Or
3)They either control you with their passive behavior or they are bluntly aggressive and show signs of being control freaks.
ding, ding, ding...That's my ex...:/
And this is all in Introduction...
The book then continues with:
The Dealing with Difficult Men plan.
I love it!!
So with my blue highlighter in hand I cozied up to see what I could learn.
And of course I had to share. This will be a series because the books has 7
inspiring chapters!
Chapter 1) Men are difficult and we allow it. (with sections like "Men like it This Way and "are you a difficult-man magnet")
2) The Lineup. Talks about all the diff types of men (with sections like "the powermongers, the admiration hounds, the nurture needers and about 10 other different types)
3) The Party Is Over (with "Choose to be on top for yourself" and "Power is not a four letter word")
4) Skills for Thriving. (Putting it all together : Problem Solving)
5) Conflict Savvy. When to speak up and when to clam up
6) Coping with Negative Reactions. How to deal with testing.
7) Get used to success!!
Whew!!!
Rolling up my sleeves!
Tell me....
What's the ratio of frogs to princes in your life??
Sunday, May 9, 2010
After this...
He will
Miss me before we meet again
Kiss me before I expect it
Gaze at me before I twirl
Guess my scent before I snuggle
Touch my knee before its near
Turn off his phone before it rings
Hug me before the pain
Say he loves me before its heard
Beg me to stay before I have to go
Chase me before I turn to run
Show his excitement before I'm naked
Take it before I serve it
Embrace me before I cry
Give me his all before I die.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Gemini Girl's Bday wishlist
A bedroom makeover...I want a new mattress, headboard (that I want to make myself), new sheets, spreads, pillows...the whole works
. I want the colors to be Bright and bold ! Reds, Yellows...
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Taken by storm....
They met like they did every weekend only this time it was in the middle of a tornado warning. She drove thru hail literally to get to him. On the way, in her head, she planned out everything she would say to him -how much she missed him, how much she wanted them back together, how she was sorry for all the mistakes she'd made, but once she got to him she felt the distance and the hesitancy so she pulled back and immediately felt rejected. He asked if she wanted to grab something to eat. Defeated she lowered her head, said NO and grabbed for her keys.
The winds pick up outside and under her skirt. She ran to her car, pretending she had somewhere to go and he let her politely, as always, run.
While driving back north, to home the rain became even heavier and she could barely see out her window, thru her tears, she dailed his number anyways.
"How can you be so insensitve to my feelings? How can you let this go, Where is the effort??
He asked her to pull over, at the underpass, he was following her, parked behind her, she moved to her passenger side he was at her door already. Her heart was beating as loud as the thunder was pounding and her eyes closed and the lightening struck overhead. The cars crept by them as he slid off her panties and slid into her tight wet place that had not been touched in months, she never stopped crying thru each stroke. She even felt his tears on her shoulders with each thrust. Suddenly the rain stopped, he pulled out and off back into the highway.
Everything was still.
No rain, no tears.
Peace.
She finally knew it was over.
