not to blame

someone told me this weekend that a brand NEW relationship
is a good time to break all bad habits.
is it even possible to start fresh everytime you meet someone new??
ms. new booty (sorry shouts out to bubbasparkxxxx)
are you always bringing up shit, old emotions
that you thought you'd let go??
apparently not

like finding old love letters and lovemaking cds..

the signs are there..hidden or out in the open..they had someone before you
previous cats

they had girlfriends, jumpoffs and even wives...recognize
but why pull them into your relationship now..that was
months, years ago, let it go

whew! I'm trying my damn-dest to take my own advice
mistakes and heartaches get the best of me, and man its hard

so hard
to just live in the moment
in the time
where you are right now

its hard but i'm doing it
i will do it


Krush told me
"you need new ointment
for those old wounds"

I guess I do
where's the nearest drugstore??


******

i'm in such a good mood right now
you always wonder
why
there is a permanent smile
on my face
its been that way
since the day we met
you make me smile
constantly
instant chemistry
that's gotten the best of me
the way you take care of me
warms my heart, us and we
I'm so giggly with you
so at peace and calm
so relaxed and renewed
with you i'm glued

the art of noise...

Its no secret that words get me and
I use words to get a reaction
I admit that
lyrically i'm...

but
talking too much during sex WooooW
has this happened to you..the guy is too chattybratty???
the girl just won't shut up??

I admit it I LOVE FOR A MAN to whisper in my ear
all the things I love to hear like

"give it to me baby"
"I know you got one more for me baby"
"tell me how you want it baby"

dAYUM that gets me

but sometimes I wonder if what I'm saying is good to him
or is it a distraction

have you ever wanted to say

"shut up baby"

LMAO!

TOP 5...

1) whats the sexiest thing you've heard during

2) whats the goofiest

3) what do you fantasize about hearing

4) are you the most talkative one

5) would you prefer silence??

what cha'll know bout beat box???

quiet please....

here comes peter cottontail...

The Easter Bunny hasn't been to see me since I was 12 hunting for eggs at my grammama and 'nems house in Virginia..but this year....HE FOUND ME and lookie...some of my favorite things.
TOP 5.....

Chocolate
Janet Jackson
Jill Scott
a CARD
TONS of kisses

YAY!


"You put it down last night
do you want some money baby
how bout some chicken wings"

whatevawhatevawhatevawhatevawhatevavwhatevawhatevawhatevawhatevawhatevawhateva

Gemini...

his indecision
frightens me
never knowing which way
he's gonna feel today
twin intuition
lies and deceit
he's not ready for me
his heart is broken
too many
holes to count
his honesty
worries me
never straightforward
working around his answer
dancing around the truth
split personality
he'll regret
the time not spent
pressure building
mounting in his mind
my ability to adapt
to this situation
would be impossible
his mystery
fascinates me
stimulates my insides
leaving me thirsty
insane
and full of
contradictions
leaving me restless

my twin

I see me in him

"no need to worry"

Why limit yourself...

Question of the DAY:

Should you keep all your eggs in one basket

or should you scramble them with cheese

and share the wealth???

affectionately signed,

newnew

"And I don't tell stories, I let em tell theyself "

if love is the end....

Would you be willing to give your full heart if you knew true love was the end??

I've been evaluating the past 2 years since my marriage ended and I'm so over it. DONE.
I've kissed a few frogs and even a saint and the results were always the same. LONELINESS.

I've put myself in situations, false relationships, unconsciously that I knew had no future.
Made myself available to the unavailable because maybe in my heart I knew I wasn't ready
for something more permanent and that could be and would be all mine.
When you know its not gonna work you don't even try. When you know that person is not worthy of your love you don't give it all you've got. Sometimes you think you don't derseve it.
Maybe you know they don't deserve. Everything is hard and forced,
Nothing is easy, there is always a struggle.
I wasn't strong enough, stable enough, healthy enough anyway. I wasnt ready for the relationship I dreamed of, desired and planned for. Couldn't fully accept it anyway. Couldn't fully let go of the past anyway. There was a wall, sometimes it was invisible and sometimes it smacked me in the face til I passed out from the emotional and physical exhaustion of it all.
Just plain and simple, I wasn't ready.

Now I am.

Now I'm ready to give fully and freely. Nothing to control, eggshells to walk on, easy buttons to push.
Just want to enjoy long dates, wet kisses, strong hugs and late night conversations with the full knowledge that we are in this thing together.
Wanna hold his hand, sink into his embrace and know that "I got him".
Want him to look into my eyes, grab my hand and know that "he's got me".
Want us to be at the same place at the same PACE. Learning.

Both leaving the past behind and moving forward....full steam.
Don't want to be afraid of getting hurt or losing.
Don't want to worry about my flaws, failures, insecurities and past mistakes.
Just want to go with him, be with him, sing with him and dance with him.

I'm giving my heart, I've already decided.

"I'll play
what ever you say
If love is the end"


P.S. starting a NEW NEW job...like a real one....my first 9 to 5 well actually 8 to 4 in over 8 years

WOW....my feet gon be hurting!