Thursday, October 4, 2007

bypass surgery...

you know what my prayer was last night...

..heavenly father please give me a patient heart..
see I have NO PATIENCE at all..when I want it I want it ASAP and generally
...heck almost always I go after it or I just get it or I call the right folks
to help me get it or I call the man to just get it for me but I gets it!

the one thing I can't control is my heart..

Its filled with lots of clogged components and sometimes the oxygen barely makes it to my brain causing me to jump in the arms of those that I think will save me, protect me and ultimately rescue me.

I get lightheaded with loneliness and I think "all I need is a skilled surgeon"...he'll fix me so I don't wait, I just check myself in and let his anesthesia do the work putting me in a dreamy state that I hardly remember the important things in life. For the moment the pain is numb and I allow myself to be healed {but not completely}. He patches me up at first then he pulls me down a path that is destructible. Often times I find this out too late and its hard to get out of it which causes chest pains and soon I know I'll need to reroute my emotions and all these uncontrollable impluses before I die. I don't want to die in surgery.

Thats why I need a heart that will wait. One that doesn't mind the slow
ride to succes. One that won't be settling on "what's right in front of me" or "whats available to me now". It has to be patient.

A heart filled with desire and discipline, one that can enjoy and survive
the long journey to. A heart that won't faint from the intensity of something real.

I want a heart that won't get so full, a glutton for punishment
...that won't overdose on the tainted, will take its time to the impossible
and what's meant to be - my destiny.

A heart that won't break because it loves too hard..a heart that will
balance and pace itself, a gradual increase, hanging in there for the long haul
waiting for the right one that can push thru the blockage, detour and
lead me to the finish line.

This procedure takes patience and thats something I don't have.


Proactiff said...

You know the last line is the best part of ME..."This procedure takes patience and thats something I don't have."

GiGi - The Shy Giraffe said...

was passing tru..

i'm feeling this post, it speaks volume.


Mr.Slish said...

What happened to you!!! Whats going on ova where you dwell..All this emotional jibba jabba..This it what happens when I go on Hiatus. huh....

Good post..I likey

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Well what ever up, im gona send my prayers also, how have u been

Aunt Jackie said...

one thing i have heard my reverand say over and over again is that when you ask for patience you get more and more chances to feel impatient!! which can be quite a grueling process...

try being thankful for what you got, because goodness knows that things that test us also work our nerves!

Blah Blah Blah said...

..you needing a surgeon and a heart that doesn't break...
...me needing sneakers and runners lungs...

Mahogany Brown said...

Geegee as usual I feel you girl...and right now more than ever.

1969 said...

GeeGee...this was deep. Just sending positive vibes your way.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

tiffywe are working on each other, thanks for listening
gigi, thanks for stopping by!
unkysee i'm falling apart..need to get back on your couch
all-mi-thow are ya?? been by your spot! deepppppp!
auntjackie wise words...wise words..I am thankful!!I do have a lot , I'm blessed
bloopty send surgeon and i'll send nikes..make him tall!!!
curves thanks gurl!!
mrs.nineteencatching all those positivities..thanks!