knocked up

Dear Diary, Feelin' like a 16 year old. Black skinny little girl that got pregnant after having sex one time with the nastiest boy in class. Feelin' like I will always be 8 months this way sitting at home while everyone else goes to the prom. Feelin' like I'll always wear "hand-me-downs" while everyone rocks the Jordache jeans. Baby daddy has no respect for me, my time, my hopes, my dreams. He lives his life as he pleases clubs, late night weedin. Feelin' alone in this world, yet not free to be away from all my misery. Feelin' trapped in a body that rejects everybody. I make everyone around me cry. I make them all feel guilty. I make them all wish I would die.


"We just sittin' here tryin to win, try not to sin
high off weed and
lots of gin"

new new..things to do...

For my 100th post (on this blog)...I wanted to post 100 things we should do this year!



1) Write a letter to the President (congratulations, thanks, anything encouraging)



"Loving Everything You Do

Cuz You Do It Well"

2) Write your mom a letter
3) women get an annual complete with pap smear and mammogram (done 1/26/08)
4) kiss a baby
5) gentlemen have your prostate checked
6) kiss a pet
7) give lover lap dance
8) babysit (if you don't have kids it will make or break you)
9) do the robot at a house party
10) really leave toxic friends behind
11) sing out loud to your lover
12) knit something (its so relaxing)
13) go to a concert
14) travel to the islands
15) make a scrapbook (DONE)
16) plant a tree
17) become an organ donor (DONE)
18) drive coast to coast
19) buy a sex toy (DONE)
20) write kids a letter tell them how proud you are of them
21) make love in the rain
22)see a foreign film (subtitles a must)
23)Visit the white house
24) shake hands with a celebrity
25) go camping
26) be an extra in a movie
27) throw a huge party (i've never had a party thrown for me...PHOOEY!)
28) go see a taping of a show , or be on a show (I was on Oprah!)
29) sit on a jury (done that..couldn't escape it living in DC)
30) fall in love and stay in love!

okay I can't think of anymore, already bored with this lil project LMAO!!!

add yours in the comments....can we make it to 100???




"Will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed (98 3/4% guaranteed)." - Dr. Seuss

not til this minute...

did I wish I was home in DC...maybe I could just blink and plop myself in the middle of pennsylvania avenue for like 15 minutes...that's all I need just 15mins...

"naw i'm straight" - b. obama

gee book of rhymes...

As promised I'm posting a few pages from my inspiration journal....

Next journal prompt:

Name the things you LOVE...what brings you joy??

How do you give LOVE/ BRING JOY to others??

"Man I found

these shits up in the crib

man in boxes man

I don't even remember

when I was writing these shits

or what's in these shits man

probably a bunch of bullshit man

Fuck it check it"

- nas

save me...save me....

he needed me
mentally
physically
by his side
immediately
but it couldn't be
you see
I'm not free
emotionally
I'm practically
a brand new gee
after months gone
silence we fell upon
no contact
'cept sporadically
thoughts of
a new kind of being
actually
what about friends?
new dialogue
new understanding
accept reality
his reasons for not
poetically
hearts falling
not even
accidently
even a postcard
needed
love in his world
failing
violently
undead
wanting ressurecting
while I, living my life
separately
contemplated his need
...and mine
amazed
at my loyalty
if reverse
my world failing?
to my heart's
content
he'd be there
that's loyalty

Journal to shine...

So I finally bought my journal for 2009 (pages will be shared)....I start it off as always with words of how I brought the new year in (this year in tears again)...and then its normal day to day fodder of what I'm doing, what I did, what I'm grateful for and what I want.

This year I want to write about what inspires me, how can I be an inspiration, how can I become a better me for all those around me and for all those lives I touch. I want it to reach beyond my immediate friends and family and coworkers.

I want that passion and determination in my eyes that I had 10 years ago, that I had again 5 years ago. Somewhere it got lost...dreams fulfilled and dreams deferred.

I want more sources of motivation, creativity, happiness, rejuvenation, more reasons to live. For the past 2 years I've coasted...survived (sometimes just barely) I'm tired of coasting...doing enough just to get by...I want more!

I'm starting with this journal...from these pages to real life.

Journal Prompt # 1
What do you want people to say about you when you are not listening??
What are you doing to always leave positive vibes behind you??


"I'm just like you
I gotta fight to stay strong"

lost...

people come in and out of your life so often
doesn't make sense til they are gone
or back again
a maze of unknowns and why comes
making you feel
as if you were misunderstood,
under educated,
selfish and not deserving
no inspiration,
no desire,
desperate to find a solution
to life's big question



what next?

"i used to be so well rounded"

meme gg...

I think this is my first one....why not...sick at home for 2 days...nothing else better to do.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Damn, I look as sick as I feel

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$82.00

3. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Alecat

4. What tshirt are you wearing? Amerykah (came with the cd)

5. Do you label yourself?Not usually.

6. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? barefoot all day baby

7. Bright or Dark Room? candle lit

8. What does your watch look like? I don't own one.

9. What were you doing at midnight last night?Taking meds.

10. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"What made you ask that"

11. Where is your nearest 7-11? haven't found one in Atlanta

12. What's a word that you say a lot? I LOVE YOU

13. Who told you he/she loved you last? Sean

14. Last furry thing you touched? my slippers.

15. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? sudafed, nyquil, robitussin, antibiotics, cough suppresants

16. How many rolls of film do you need developed? NONE..but I do need batteries for my digicam

17. Favorite age you have been so far? 21.

18. The last song you listened to?"Young Jeezy - Crazy World

19. What time of day were you born?8 AM or so.

20. What’s your favorite number? 16.

21. Where did you live in 1987? Frostburg, MD.

22. Are you jealous of anyone? admittedly yes.

23. Is anyone jealous of you? I wonder

24. Where were you when 9/11 happened? In Marietta in my loft working

25. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Curse, punch the vending machine, try to flip it over, curse again, repeat til I get my damn candy!

26. Do you consider yourself kind? YES

27. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes.

28. Are you touchy feely? YES.

29. What’s your life motto? You can't control everything.

30. Have you been burned by love?Absolutely.