I'm wondering if I'm vain as I sit at my desk at work checking my mirror 15,000 times.
Am I vain?? Do I think I look good?
What am I checking for? Is my gray showing? Do I have food in my teeth? Boogers in my nose?? Zits on my cheeks? Chin hair? Crust in my eyes?? Wax in my ears??
Why am I obsessing over my looks??? Such a gemini...happy one minute...frowning the next.
But really...why do I feel like all eyes on me? Is it my looks...my physical features? Do you see something you like?
Or are you checking for blemishes and moles?? Are you looking for something out of place??
I feel myself doing this to everyone around me...even the champ..drives him crazy!! I'm plucking his eyebrows...constantly squeezing his face...What's wrong with me??
am I obsessed with perfection...???
I feel like everything is out of place...out of sync.... but by what standards??
I want a new haircut, I want my old body back, I want a manicure and a pedicure, I want the hair on my legs to stop growing, I want my lips fuller, I want these freckles and moles off my face. Why? I dunno
Who am I trying to impress? I dunno
Why allasudden? I dunno
I'm just not proud of how I look right now..TODAY.. so how could I be vain?
Is it because I think everyone is looking at me...talking about me...thinking about me....measuring my accomplishments, analyzing my salary, guessing my intentions, judging my work and weighing my emotions. I'm afraid they will see right through me...will they think I'm fake? that I have been faking? that I don't know all the answers, I make mistakes, I have flaws.
Will they be able to see past that..see past it all and into my heart?? Am I a fraud?...I don't have it together or do I??..cuz I damn sho made it thru 40 years and I have a very bless - sed life. I'm sure of it.
So Am I going through a midlife crisis?? Whats wrong with me TODAY??
....my saving grace is that I've started my gratitude journal again..after putting it down 3 years ago..no wonder the past 2 years have been so tough ... I need to get back to acknowledging all THAT I have instead of fussing over what I want and how I should look.
*double sigh*
Friday, August 15, 2008
vain...or NOT
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3 comments:
If you worked with the jokers i do, you'd do well to check yourself out every once in a while. You could have a knife in your back and bleeding out and they wouldn't tell you. Just look.
Beyond that, if you don't think yo look good, who else will(ok, we know that answer, but still)? Perfection is subjective and in some cases unobtainable. You have a couple of truths on your side. Champ obviously knows you look good, you have have to get that into yourself(remember the mirror thing. It's your friend). Give yourself a 3 count and push on.
In this case a 3 count goes like this: check the mirror (or ask or combo of each) 3 times. No more, no less. After the 3rd time, let it go. Everything should be right as rain. :)
yep u vain
but checking for boogers, or digging 4 them aint lol
hmmm girl i just thought everyone had those thoughts lol.
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