Difficult Men...Don't make it easy for them!!

All weekend I've been reading this book I got from the library for 25cents!
Check it!
Dealing with Difficult Men by Judith Segal, Ph.D.

I thought it would be cheesy and bought it more for the shits and giggles of it all (and the price) because I really don't have difficult men in my life except if you count my ex husband. :/

Its not the typical "hate on men" type of book - its more, how to deal with difficult men "effectively and in doing so allow yourself to appreciate and really enjoy the 'good' ones".
Neat huh??
"Dealing with stressed, confused, manipulative, and in some cases, seemingly unconscious men takes skill, knowledge , experience and resilience."

The author first describes the Difficult men categories.

She says " difficult men seem to have 3 characteristics in common"

1) They either hide opinions, feelings, or they push them on you in a not so clear, direct, open or honest way;
2) They either totally withhold their feelings, totally unaware that they have feelings or they blast their feelings in an out of control way - 'emotional Neanderthals' she calls them;
Or
3)They either control you with their passive behavior or they are bluntly aggressive and show signs of being control freaks.
ding, ding, ding...That's my ex...:/

And this is all in Introduction...

The book then continues with:
The Dealing with Difficult Men plan.

I love it!!
So with my blue highlighter in hand I cozied up to see what I could learn.

And of course I had to share. This will be a series because the books has 7
inspiring chapters!

Chapter 1) Men are difficult and we allow it. (with sections like "Men like it This Way and "are you a difficult-man magnet")
2) The Lineup. Talks about all the diff types of men (with sections like "the powermongers, the admiration hounds, the nurture needers and about 10 other different types)
3) The Party Is Over (with "Choose to be on top for yourself" and "Power is not a four letter word")
4) Skills for Thriving. (Putting it all together : Problem Solving)
5) Conflict Savvy. When to speak up and when to clam up
6) Coping with Negative Reactions. How to deal with testing.
7) Get used to success!!

Whew!!!
Rolling up my sleeves!

Tell me....
What's the ratio of frogs to princes in your life??

After this...

He will
Miss me before we meet again
Kiss me before I expect it
Gaze at me before I twirl
Guess my scent before I snuggle
Touch my knee before its near
Turn off his phone before it rings
Hug me before the pain
Say he loves me before its heard
Beg me to stay before I have to go
Chase me before I turn to run
Show his excitement before I'm naked
Take it before I serve it
Embrace me before I cry

Give me his all before I die.

she's just a friend...

damn how many times have we heard this over and over again..thanks to the Nobody beats the Biz! M-a-r-K-I-E!!

I don't get the guys that ONLY have female friends..and thats it...I have a problem with that..

and I admit it..if I'm wrong say I'm wrong..

All and let me repeat..ALL the men in my life have been romantically involved with me at some point in time or want to be...there never was any middle ground..so based on my experience if you are hanging with a dude you've been with him before or you want to and vice versa if you are a dude that has only female friends you have been with at least one of them and you'd like to get closer to the other.

This doesn't apply to those dudes that have equal amounts of male and female friends that they hang out with on the regular...i'm not talking about you..

I'm talking about the dudes that ONLY have female friends..and when they have girlfriends this becomes a problem..

why you say...

because...you will have a convo like this

Boyfriend: hey baby I'm going to hang with Lisa
Girlfriend: Just Lisa? Just you 2 out at a bar drinking??
BF: Yes..you know we are just friends
GF: hmmm no I do not know that....

She's thinking either they fucked and it didn't work out or go to the next level or somewhere down the road they will eventually fuck..Or they kissed and it got awkward so they never pursued for "fear of ruining a good friendship" BULLSHIT
as somepoint in time you guys were intimate...or will be.

and then you will have a convo like this after you guys eventually break up over your need to hang with said female friends

Him: I'm hanging at bar XYZ with Lisa tonight since I really couldn't hang with her while we were dating..I neglected our friendship
Her: Just you and Lisa
Him: Yeah you don't like bars anyways
Her: You are joking right??
Him: No

BULLSHIT!

Call me crazy but every guy I've gone out with wants sex at some point if we haven't already gone down that road..and If we fucked before 10 times out of 10 he will want to do it again...he will pretend to be friendly in the beginning but best believe he's thinking about it..the chick also!

So if I'm dating someone tall, dark and handsome and he constantly wants to hang with his female BFFs I gotta a problem..whats the motive here??
Because these are most likely single women looking for a man so I'm thinking is he with her to discretly scope out more girls while she's checking for dudes or what??

Like I'm mad you don't have any male friends to balance all this shit out..granted they may get you into more trouble but you still need that male bonding as well.

And what about those relationships that end on a good note..you guys go your separate ways but say "baby I love you lets be friends".and so you start out that way but in the back of your mind you are thinking "if i really want to have sex with him/her again , we can make it happen"

so there comes the time when he gets a NEW girlfriend...
then the old girlfriend (now the female BFF) says..
Her: hey lets' go get a drink at a bar, I miss you, we were so great together
him: let me check with my NEW girlfriend
her: just tell her we are JUST friends
him: she won't go for that but whatever
her: cool I will see you soon, then one things leads to another

you follow this bullshit circle???

in labor....

not that kind of labor..this here shop is CLOSED!!

I'm talking Department of Labor..YEP I'm now considered one of the 66,000+ registered at the DOL as unemployed and claiming benefits. I was in shock as I received my glossy grey packet (not blue like UP in the AIR) but same information.

It threw me for a loop when I first got the news that my job no longer needed me after completing a successful (well not so successful we found out later my boss lost 2 million dollars) project I had a few thoughts running thru my head like when you first take a pregnancy test...you have mixed emotions...

I was sad cuz well I was losing my health insurance if I didn't pay the $919 cobra fees..then happy cuz they reduced it to $321 since I was a single mom or some other requirements I met...but then sad again cuz I couldn't even afford that!

Then I was elated cuz well YEAH I get to stay home, stay in my PJS, watch my soaps, sleep in..then I got depressed real quick cuz I still had to get up at 6 and sit in the carpool lane and look for jobs and sell myself and MAKE SOME MONEY and PAY THE SAME BILLS - basically I had to GRIND MORE NOW! at least at work I got nice lunch breaks!

After a few weeks of depression I felt optimistic again...maybe I could open another store...follow my PASSION! YES the skys the limit..then pessimistic cuz well "where am I gonna get that kind of money to do alladat AGAIN" I still owe people from my LAST shop!

Then I felt YOUNG again..hey I could go back to school then get a pay raise when I DO go back to work...then I felt OLD AS HELL as I will probably be older than all the students in the class and the students? well I could be all of their mommas!!!

So you see I was an emotional wreck... till I had my first official WORKSHOP last week and its not just young black women getting laid off which was my first thought..its old white men, young white men, its all of us..we are all riding this boat together...and they actually gave me some tips on tweaking my resume

it hasn't been all bad..catching up on sleep, getting all my doctors appointments done feeling healthy and energetic, creating and being crafty again, even sending handmade cards to some of my dearest friends, googling some of my not so dear friends seeing what the are up to...organizing my home office (COFFICE as tiffany calls it)
My house is now in order and I'm ready to deliver...but

its only been 2 months
SHIT I'm in my first trimester,
no more morning sickness but I gotta lot of work to do!

somebody HOLD MY HAND!

doobie ashtray....

man..where have I been??

I had this great post about sacrifices and how we sacrifice our time to give to others and how we sacrifice sleep for concerts and our sanity for work but I fell asleep never typed it in my phone and now its all lost!
so all I have is my "happy to date"

this live performance from Solange...the champ and I saw her Thursday night and WOW she's amazing in her own lane and FIYAH!!!



this theme for my bb *heart*









new red frames










this diva

new boots









"That's just so, That's just so, That's just sooooooooooooooo..need a champagne chronic nitecap"

baggage left...finally...

"My foolish heart was broken
when he left us in the cold.
Now I’m left to fix the pieces."

Exactly how I felt 3 years ago when my ex husband left us for 8 weeks and then ultimately for good to be with another woman. We absolutely lost everything without the energy to put up a fight.
Didn't think I would ever get over that. Somehow I did, I had to, had no choice.
I think if there was a build up, if we had a horrible marriage, some kind of warning then I would've been prepared for the inevitable , I thought I had the epitome of a stable marriage til the air was knocked out of my stomach. I kept asking "What did I do??" In the past I
looked down at women that complained about their husbands and had men on the side.
I was in it for the long haul. I made my bed and I was comfy and cozy in it.
Until the day I found out he wanted out and had already spent a year working on another relationship. and to think I was so happy to be married to him , thought I had my whole life figured out. WOW!
I didn't know any better.
Getting back at him was never a goal for me. I was too numb for revenge.

The best revenge is her calling me asking me to help her with him. HUH?? The problems you guys are having I never had with him. I listened anyways. She talked about how controlling and evil he is with her. He was never like that with me. Please don't call again for advice as I have none. Goodbye to you both.

Back then I was in survival mode and that's all I thought about. I kept my friends and family on the outside and all of my pain in the inside. Until recently.
Now a commerical, a tv show, something the kids will say, or this song will bring it all to surface. Right at a time when love has found me again all the pain is seeping out. Purging to make room for something deeper and pure.
I went thru so many years of being quiet that I didn't feel or voice anything about my divorce.
I pushed it to the bottom of my soul. The minute I started to feel again, The minute I started to love again all of my barriers melted away and all the baggage came rushing around.
As I was loving him I was hating the him of my past. I love you in one conversation to I can't talk to you ever again in the next conversation. Emotional rollercoaster all day , every day.
Love and hate. Wore them on my sleeve everyday. How exhausted I was.

A few months ago I finally said "is it me, something I've done that makes you treat me this way" and he simply said "no , you've done nothing" and with that I was able to let it all go. Just like that. It wasn't me at all. I forgave him. I forgive myself. Enough is Enough. I'm done.
I wasted so much energy these past few years that I will never get back but I'm enjoying the new years I'm making with a light heart and less pain.
I'm sure every now and then something else will take me back down memory lane and all I have to do is look to my side or look in front of me and see all the love I have all around me.

"I won’t let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain."

doctor, doctor...

see?
Thats exactly why folks don't be like going to the doctor on the regular.
They always be finding shit!

I push my fam, friends and coworkers to go
get check ups, be proactive!
but its been a year since I've taken my own advice

I'd had warning signs for month
tight jeans, headaches, racing heart
and always TIRED..so doggon TIRED all the time

So I knew I needed to go

SO First I call my female doc you know my gyn
I was a new patient cuz of new insurance
so they wanted to check everything!
mammogram - check...
annual inspection of the love below - check BUT
they want to retest some shit
SHEESH!
Then
Internal Med Doc
they checked urine, heart, blood pressure
My blood pressure was borderline hypertension
and I'd gained 15lbs!!!
Then we talked about my family history
DAMNIT if every member of my family had something!!

diabetes, stroke, breast cancer, tumors YOU NAME IT

SHEESH!
I didn't even tell them about my alcoholic uncle
that would've been TOO MURCH!
SO after all that they order
glucose tests, stress tests
SHEESH!
Then
Eye doctor..need contacts and glasses
Then the dentist
3 filings DAMN!

So I've been ordered to stop caffeine, exercise, watch salt intake and stop stressing!

I still have a few more followups over the next few weeks
In the end I will have peace of mind (or I will be worrying more)
but at least I will know what is going on and have a plan of action
I want to LIVE!
I gotta be healthy to work, provide for my fam and love!

How are you in the health dept? Are you taking care of your body?
How do you overcome your fear of the doctor??

My aunt hasn't been in 5 years she's 58 saying "You are okay til you see a doctor"

I be damn if she ain't right!

Doctor, doctor, what's going on?
Can you tell me what's going on?

need for speed...

My monthly gift came in the form of a speeding ticket..MY FIRST SPEEDING TICKET EVER!


that is all I have.....

oh ... instead of racing (pun intended) thru the holidays take the time to enjoy the lil ones and what it means to them. Be extra patient, extra kind and give extra hugs and kisses this holiday season. WE all NEED IT!


HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the lil gee gees!!

super bad...

I'm officially an XBOX widow.

The Champ and I are hosting Turkey day at his place...wish us luck! The menu sounds yummy but will it taste yummy!

My MAC lip gloss is poppin - Viva Glam VI

Work is slow and boring. I hope I get off early tomorrow.

Seems like all the lil people in my life want webkinz..I'm so sick of buying these things.

I hope I get a new coach bag for christmas...HINT, HINT!

My medium bikini panties are getting smaller and smaller on my..I think my bootay is growing!!!

My happiness is back....I will never let someone steal all that joy from me again.

My 2 bestest girlfriends live in NC and in TX..I miss them so much..They both called me yesterday and I wish we could HANG!

Why do all my college buddies want me to spend half my day on facebook. No I do not want to find MR. TH that left me for my cheerleading coach!! HAHA!

I think the next store I open will be a Porn shop full of movies, books, toys and coffee.. Yeah COFFEE!!!

oh and another thing I'm NO. 1 in my fantasy basketball league..SUCKAS!!! and its my first time playing...I do my RESEARCH SON!!!!...

"watch me.....watch me...I got soulllllllllllllllll...and I'm super bad!"

*smooches*

bout to spaz...

I'm ashamed to say
I've let someone
steal my joy
for 4 days



I can't let it go.
Its hard to move on
Can't talk about it
no one understands
no right words.


Its so unfair
to those that are around me
to those that love me


I have this monster inside of me.
Its growing
It wants to fight.
I can't control it.
I can't hold it in.



I haven't been happy for 4 days
What happened to my happiness



I want to escape
unrecognizable
different
My face is not my own

How could I smile when I'm hurtin' so bad inside?

vote wit me....

"Gotta get yo' ass up and vibe with me

Come on ride with me, come on ride with me

Holla, get crunk, get live with me"

lookout weekend...

"I work hard everyday
its all work and no play
with the boss on my back,
he don't give me any slack
I sit down
I day dream
of how my weekends gonna be"

mommie dearest will be here tomorrow..

that is all! (enjoy the music)

*double sigh*

C's of fall...Crafting, Cuddling, Cards, Creating, Chillin, Connecting and the Champ...

I know for most of you fall means football, well for me it means knitting, scrapbooking, cardmaking and CHILLIN...I'm stirring my creative juices RIGHT NOW and getting ready to hibernate for the winter with lots of new yarn, new 12x12 papers, stickers and embellishments and plenty of handmade projects on my plate.

Crafting: I used to own a scrapbook store and I LOVED IT...2100 sq. ft of pure bliss!!

I used to crank out the pages and I've been published over 22 times, a scrapbookers dream..and it was my passion for so many years and I've neglected it...

Here's one (or two) I completed a few years back for a magazine:

Sadly I haven't submitted anything since 2005...DRAT! so I'm diggin out my boxes and getting back into it...first up a wedding reception album for my aunt! YAY ME!!

Creating: I like to also create a lot of handmade things for the HOME (wooden letters, ornaments out of cd's, etc), here's are a few examples...

Cardmaking: I make a lot of cards and tin holders for cards..Check it!

Crafting Needles: I buy new needles every year..but i can only make scarves!!! this is my favorite yarn to use...called fancy fur..

Cuddling..what better time than the fall/winter months to intimate with your loved ones??..the Champ and I are planning a lot of quality time for quality connecting with each other..YEAH RIGHT...I forgot I have to make appointments between his football games for a few kisses!!!

*sigh*

in this concrete jungle..where do you stand??

just one more day...

the weekends are JUST TOO SHORT!

I can't forget those lovely days...I need one more day
I will do anything you want me to do, say anything you want me to say

cherish you til the day I die
let me have one more day

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....just one more day

that kind of guy...

I was emailing someone yesterday describing THE CHAMP
and the only thing I could say was that "he's a CATCH".

I knew from our very first telephone conversation 90 days ago...
that we were both on the same page and headed in the same direction.
I knew he was different and I would be changed by him from that day..
day 1 we marked it.
The way he smiled ... turned me soft because I knew it was genuine and just for me
instant gratification..all the time smiles, giggles, hugs and kisses
kind words of support, comfort, desire, passion, completeness.
I knew we'd be different to each other not like all the rest.
Taking our time/more time, listening more, more willing to compromise,
sharing insides that no one else could touch - generous with our affection..
our attention in one direction..
our need for each other is matched ... point to point connection.

I knew we'd have new experiences and new outcomes,
new lovers for the first time, making everyone else the last time
I knew we were growing together and into some real together
all easy loving

I know..this type of feeling only comes once in a lifetime you say?
and some people think discomfort will eventually come after the love
I never thought that...
and you can only have one soulmate you say?
I had a soulmate I didn't marry and a husband that never saw my passion,
but he sees it all...everytime
and he makes me feel it..even when I doubted....
after all these days he said he'd go back to day one
to convince me ...when the fear freezes me
in my steps and in my feelings
my imagination like a runaway train
I'm chasing everything
but something else, running
trying to get free, pushing him away, off of me...
sabotage and abandonment filled the time
that was meant for him and us
wasted energy that shouldn't have existed

luckily he had faith and trusted what we already had/could have
he was aware of my baggage and he constantly told me
"I got you..don't worry, I will wait for you"
my common denominator in weekends, thoughts, and prayers
plans for the future too.
In my heart I keep him safe..barely to escape
unless them to him
to his face
in his ear
only for him
actions reserved for him
love with his name on it
no more
what did I do wrong..will I do it again??
will I fall...and will he catch me??

in one day..this instance
I let it all go...all the betrayal..just like that
it was lifted..and the love just poured out of me and it won't stop

no more doubt I told him...and he makes sure it stays that way
consistent with me always..even when my leaves were flailing in the wind
even when I'm unsure
or wavering
still
he's that big strong tree
that doesn't budge

he's that guy
I was walking behind on a 5 mile trail
around stone mountain this weekend
I kept trying to push him ahead of me
telling him to run his own race , go faster, speed up
but he stayed with me
grabbing my hand
pushing me forward saying "I'm not leaving you"
"Are you afraid I will get lost?"
he said, "No"
"Am I slowing you down?"
again he said "No, I just want to be next to you"
"I can see you...so go"
"I'm not going anywhere"
and with that
we just kept walking...
side by side
staying close
yep he's that kind of guy
"loving him a little more everyday"

the bitch is back, part II

my girl TIFFY holds it down (bronlaw too)

we connected from day one almost a year ago and we are like sisters fo real!!!

this goes out to her..for always listening, trusting my advice, giving me wisdom, and keeping it gully...

"I don’t care what a bitch think or how a hoe feel
Cause ain’t nann one of you hoes payin my bills
And ain’t nann one of you hoes fina buy me a crib
And ain’t nann one of you hoes fina get me a whip
I know I must make a lot of ya’ll hoes sick
And all I can tell you hoes, get used to it bitch!"

i gots nuffin...

'cept my TOP 5 sick lyrics of the day:


"I"m sick like the flu.." CraigMack
"They say I'm 730, say I spaz out" - FB
"Oh cat daddy...tell me what you know about us" Teedra
"Don't let the world break me tonight" Mariah
"I don't need anotherI could spend my lifeBeing your lover" Janet

overachievers anonymous....

I spent the BEST WEEKEND EVER with my girls from da BURG....we've known each other half our lives and we've all experienced the same things JUST at different times of our lives....
we shopped together, went to church together, cried together, listened to go-go (Sardines HEY and pork n beans) and house music and drank so much booze together it was ridiculous...
my friend had a full blown bar IN HER HOUSE..we concocted every drink imaginable and we went thru 4 yearbooks, 6 photo albums and 2 dean and deluca bags of photos!

I'm gonna post some my college photos because truly they show the TRUE ME! WOW!
from the spandex biker shorts and reeboks, to the too big for my face eyeglasses, to the size 2 cheerleading outfit, to all the OMEGA man we chased and devoured (we had 2 albums alone of all of our que boyfriends) WOW! we wore pink timbalands, leather trenchcoats with magenta sweatsuits...we smelled like liz claiborne realities and we listened to Maureen by Sade 24/7

those were the days...but anyways..

the most important part of the weekend was just how all of our conversation centered around the men in our lives...past, present and what we want in the future...

and there was only one complaint
Why are men intimidated by women that are doing well for themselves?

wtf?? I read so many blogs daily written by men talking about how he wants his woman to be successful/have a hustle (right sbm??) , cook, have a nice body, give him head on a regular basis and let him hang with his boys from time to time

but when we make too much money they feel inadequate
when we feed them too much they get santa bellies and blame our mashed potatoes
when our bodies are all hard and we got the 6-pack they look at themselves with disgust
when we give them head...well they don't complain about that but they always want more

and when we let them hang with the boys...they do stooopid shit!

but the main theme that got me is that when a man has someone that can pay her bills on time, buy them special gifts, treat them to dinners and movies
the man feels less than a man
he then wants to feel more needed and more than likely turns to someone that is NEEDY!!!
he turns away from the I- N- D- E- P-E - N -D - E- N- T woman to someone that has nothing going on...

men say they don't want a woman without any dreams but when we have too many they say we are being extravagant or unrealistic
one BFF's boyfriend said her house was too big
one BFF's boyfriend said she should downsize from her truck to a car
shit I've had guys say they were intimidated because I worked all the time

its like men bitch and moan about wining and dining women but when they meet a women that doesn't need alladat they complain, rebel and end up finding someone that does....

*sigh*
men gotta love em...."I eat em in the morning and I eat em in the night"

my valentine....

he's black and hot....my MR. COFFEE....LOVE HIM!!!



...my vday gift from DAD...not that *daddy* (protector)

but my biological DAD (you remember the crazy one)



I've been on the horn with TIFFY all week about how I wanted a coffee maker...and this is what I got...called DAD and told him my bank account needed a refresher and he hooked me up.



So I bought this and this...i love coffee mugs








I rented Why Did I Get Married and bought The Best Man





The Protector and I didn't make plans and had no expectations....we are broken up anyways..right

*sigh*

so I have plans with myself, my coffee and my movies.



Got a job interview tomorrow early (so i'm posting this now) then I have the rest of the day off to pamper myself and rest up for my girls weekend!

go gee - dub!!!

good to me....

two things:

i'm reading the 4 agreements thanks to my hairdresser:

1) Say only what you mean
2) Nothing others do is because of you
3)Ask questions..express what you really want
4)Do your best

..in a nutshell everyone should read this book!


and i'm headed to Charlotte to visit my bestest girlfriend from college..
met her on the first day of school...she was also my maid of honor
we are still very close and her dad and my dad are still friends 20 {ahem} years later....
haven't seen her since we took a girls getaway to disney about 4 years ago
she called to tell me she's going on a cruise for her birthday this month
and I want to see her before she goes

I'm also doing a cruise in JUNE...............GEMINI BABY!
..wish we were doing it together - we've always been with each other in spirit even when we don't see each other for years! we've gotten into so much trouble over the years it AIN'T even funny!!

I need to see her...she feeds my spirit...she quenches my soul...gives me a feeling of comfort, she's my warm blanket...she restores my faith and gets me to see the important things in life and I never sweat the small stuff when i'm around her

one time we were driving and ran out of gas...I almost peed in my pants cuz she said
"thats it..we're out of gas"
me: "what????"
her: "we're out of gas"
me: "what do you mean?"
her: "what I said..we are OUT OF GAS!!"
the way she said it just made me die laughing ...
me: "isn't this a hybrid"
her: "what does that have to do with anything"
me: "we shouldn't ever run out of gas"
her: "well we are now"
we sat and cried and laughed so hard for 30mins..we couldn't stop laughing
we couldn't even call for help we just laughed and cried

I know you had to be there but it was the funniest thing ever I swear..I'm crying from laughing so hard right now as I type this!

so anyways..that's my share of the week..aren't you glad you stopped by ;)

:I feel like I’m seeing the world
inside of me
I can tell you that I know,
it's getting easier to breathe: