doobie ashtray....

man..where have I been??

I had this great post about sacrifices and how we sacrifice our time to give to others and how we sacrifice sleep for concerts and our sanity for work but I fell asleep never typed it in my phone and now its all lost!
so all I have is my "happy to date"

this live performance from Solange...the champ and I saw her Thursday night and WOW she's amazing in her own lane and FIYAH!!!



this theme for my bb *heart*









new red frames










this diva

new boots









"That's just so, That's just so, That's just sooooooooooooooo..need a champagne chronic nitecap"

baggage left...finally...

"My foolish heart was broken
when he left us in the cold.
Now I’m left to fix the pieces."

Exactly how I felt 3 years ago when my ex husband left us for 8 weeks and then ultimately for good to be with another woman. We absolutely lost everything without the energy to put up a fight.
Didn't think I would ever get over that. Somehow I did, I had to, had no choice.
I think if there was a build up, if we had a horrible marriage, some kind of warning then I would've been prepared for the inevitable , I thought I had the epitome of a stable marriage til the air was knocked out of my stomach. I kept asking "What did I do??" In the past I
looked down at women that complained about their husbands and had men on the side.
I was in it for the long haul. I made my bed and I was comfy and cozy in it.
Until the day I found out he wanted out and had already spent a year working on another relationship. and to think I was so happy to be married to him , thought I had my whole life figured out. WOW!
I didn't know any better.
Getting back at him was never a goal for me. I was too numb for revenge.

The best revenge is her calling me asking me to help her with him. HUH?? The problems you guys are having I never had with him. I listened anyways. She talked about how controlling and evil he is with her. He was never like that with me. Please don't call again for advice as I have none. Goodbye to you both.

Back then I was in survival mode and that's all I thought about. I kept my friends and family on the outside and all of my pain in the inside. Until recently.
Now a commerical, a tv show, something the kids will say, or this song will bring it all to surface. Right at a time when love has found me again all the pain is seeping out. Purging to make room for something deeper and pure.
I went thru so many years of being quiet that I didn't feel or voice anything about my divorce.
I pushed it to the bottom of my soul. The minute I started to feel again, The minute I started to love again all of my barriers melted away and all the baggage came rushing around.
As I was loving him I was hating the him of my past. I love you in one conversation to I can't talk to you ever again in the next conversation. Emotional rollercoaster all day , every day.
Love and hate. Wore them on my sleeve everyday. How exhausted I was.

A few months ago I finally said "is it me, something I've done that makes you treat me this way" and he simply said "no , you've done nothing" and with that I was able to let it all go. Just like that. It wasn't me at all. I forgave him. I forgive myself. Enough is Enough. I'm done.
I wasted so much energy these past few years that I will never get back but I'm enjoying the new years I'm making with a light heart and less pain.
I'm sure every now and then something else will take me back down memory lane and all I have to do is look to my side or look in front of me and see all the love I have all around me.

"I won’t let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain."

doctor, doctor...

see?
Thats exactly why folks don't be like going to the doctor on the regular.
They always be finding shit!

I push my fam, friends and coworkers to go
get check ups, be proactive!
but its been a year since I've taken my own advice

I'd had warning signs for month
tight jeans, headaches, racing heart
and always TIRED..so doggon TIRED all the time

So I knew I needed to go

SO First I call my female doc you know my gyn
I was a new patient cuz of new insurance
so they wanted to check everything!
mammogram - check...
annual inspection of the love below - check BUT
they want to retest some shit
SHEESH!
Then
Internal Med Doc
they checked urine, heart, blood pressure
My blood pressure was borderline hypertension
and I'd gained 15lbs!!!
Then we talked about my family history
DAMNIT if every member of my family had something!!

diabetes, stroke, breast cancer, tumors YOU NAME IT

SHEESH!
I didn't even tell them about my alcoholic uncle
that would've been TOO MURCH!
SO after all that they order
glucose tests, stress tests
SHEESH!
Then
Eye doctor..need contacts and glasses
Then the dentist
3 filings DAMN!

So I've been ordered to stop caffeine, exercise, watch salt intake and stop stressing!

I still have a few more followups over the next few weeks
In the end I will have peace of mind (or I will be worrying more)
but at least I will know what is going on and have a plan of action
I want to LIVE!
I gotta be healthy to work, provide for my fam and love!

How are you in the health dept? Are you taking care of your body?
How do you overcome your fear of the doctor??

My aunt hasn't been in 5 years she's 58 saying "You are okay til you see a doctor"

I be damn if she ain't right!

Doctor, doctor, what's going on?
Can you tell me what's going on?

catch and release...{repost from pchats}

Hard to put into words the way he makes Ms. Kitty purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.



We were just chillin I think, surfin' the tube
when he reached for our secret drawer
..looking for the lube.
"Wait...we don't need any" - I see his mind thinking.
"I want you to make me wet" I whisper (my way of hinting)
he starts
Spreading my legs and cupping my thighs,
ready for action my clit doubles in size,
with long licks and short flicks
he eats me like its his last supper or
one of those blow pop suckers.
and I'm thinking
"how did I score this one" and
"where did he come from"??
He's the Champ, and the G.O.A.T still hitting pussy homeruns.
with me
and
My legs are pressed against his ears
I'm clinching my fists, close to tears
his face has completely disappeared
into me
and
all over me,
and with me
and thru me
and I feel my juices tricklin' down my ass,
Its so slippery, and I'm moving so fast.
beggin him
just fuck me put me out of my misery,
clearly
I can't take it
I'm lost at sea
he's not giving in...
"let me finish" geegee.
okay
so I lose my breath
as I feel it building up
and this time I can't stop,
it slowly erupts
I know it will be a strong
still shocked
at how intense
So shocked I start laughing
and crying,
does that even make sense??

knocked up

Dear Diary, Feelin' like a 16 year old. Black skinny little girl that got pregnant after having sex one time with the nastiest boy in class. Feelin' like I will always be 8 months this way sitting at home while everyone else goes to the prom. Feelin' like I'll always wear "hand-me-downs" while everyone rocks the Jordache jeans. Baby daddy has no respect for me, my time, my hopes, my dreams. He lives his life as he pleases clubs, late night weedin. Feelin' alone in this world, yet not free to be away from all my misery. Feelin' trapped in a body that rejects everybody. I make everyone around me cry. I make them all feel guilty. I make them all wish I would die.


"We just sittin' here tryin to win, try not to sin
high off weed and
lots of gin"

new new..things to do...

For my 100th post (on this blog)...I wanted to post 100 things we should do this year!



1) Write a letter to the President (congratulations, thanks, anything encouraging)



"Loving Everything You Do

Cuz You Do It Well"

2) Write your mom a letter
3) women get an annual complete with pap smear and mammogram (done 1/26/08)
4) kiss a baby
5) gentlemen have your prostate checked
6) kiss a pet
7) give lover lap dance
8) babysit (if you don't have kids it will make or break you)
9) do the robot at a house party
10) really leave toxic friends behind
11) sing out loud to your lover
12) knit something (its so relaxing)
13) go to a concert
14) travel to the islands
15) make a scrapbook (DONE)
16) plant a tree
17) become an organ donor (DONE)
18) drive coast to coast
19) buy a sex toy (DONE)
20) write kids a letter tell them how proud you are of them
21) make love in the rain
22)see a foreign film (subtitles a must)
23)Visit the white house
24) shake hands with a celebrity
25) go camping
26) be an extra in a movie
27) throw a huge party (i've never had a party thrown for me...PHOOEY!)
28) go see a taping of a show , or be on a show (I was on Oprah!)
29) sit on a jury (done that..couldn't escape it living in DC)
30) fall in love and stay in love!

okay I can't think of anymore, already bored with this lil project LMAO!!!

add yours in the comments....can we make it to 100???




"Will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed (98 3/4% guaranteed)." - Dr. Seuss

not til this minute...

did I wish I was home in DC...maybe I could just blink and plop myself in the middle of pennsylvania avenue for like 15 minutes...that's all I need just 15mins...

"naw i'm straight" - b. obama